


take me to the lakes [where all the poets went to die]

by emindomita



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV), the hunting
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Themes, Reminiscing, Sapphic, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:28:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 43,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27073480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emindomita/pseuds/emindomita
Summary: Lesbians deserve happy endings. A series of one-shots of Dani and Jamie's important moments in their lives together. No Lady of the Lake, just a happy endless ending.
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 208
Kudos: 887





	1. The one where Dani and Jamie move in

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! So this is the first of a series of episodes I will be posting. The idea is to write about Dani and Jamie and their most important moments together. If you want to read about any specific milestone in their relationship, let me know in the comments. Hope you enjoy and all feedback is welcome.

**The one where Dani and Jamie move in**

“Oy, there, mate. Careful with that.” Jamie rushed towards one of the men who were carrying the boxes inside the apartment. “My girlfriend painted that.”

The man, sweating in the Vermont summer heat with that untidy moustache and the uncomfortable uniform, nodded and let Jamie carry the painting down the hall.

“There’s just one box left, ma’am, and we’ll be done.” he said, as he was leaving one last time to  
bring the only thing left.

“Thanks” Jamie answered. “I already paid the other one of you, the one with no moustache.”

The man lifted his thumb in an “ok sign” as he was going down the stairs. Jamie walked in the apartment. The mid-morning light was creeping in through the open windows. The kitchen counter had two small boxes on top with kitchen supplies in them and a bunch of flower pots around them. They owned very few things, but flower pots they had enough to build an inside garden. Jamie and Dani had arrived in Vermont only six months before, that past November. She still remembered the cold winter air that could be breathed those first days. The Red Maples were leafless and the streets were lonely. It hadn’t begun snowing but the sky was always threatening with that melancholic grey that reminded Jamie of Bly and the coldness of the british countryside. Hadn’t it been for the company she had since the beginning, Vermont would have been unbearable during that first winter.

At first, Jamie and Dani said they’d take one day at a time, not knowing how much time together they had left. But one day, suddenly, Dani’s eyes were back to being green, that shade of green Jamie had only seen in tree leaves during spring when they blossomed and in the greenest of grasses right after a summer rainfall. Dani went back to being just herself inhabiting her body and the happiness that had been locked away for the months that followed leaving Bly Manor was suddenly unleashed for good. It became increasingly easy then to start planning their lives together. After all, the love they had for each other had never been the problem. Both of them had no second thoughts about that. All the hazards and the obstacles they had faced had always been related to external factors. As much as they’d like to deny it, a queer girl in the eighties had a tough time figuring out who she was supposed to be. But after finding each other, the confort they felt in each other’s arms became strength and boldness. Not even a centuries-old ghost could keep them away from their truth and from each other.

The apartment was not much, to be honest. After putting together all of their savings and the money they had been saving from selling Jamie’s car, Dani’s house back in Iowa and the few things Jamie had in her old apartment, they saved enough to buy an old shop with a little flat on the first floor. Jamie had been making a name for herself in the gardening scene in Vermont, with her prolific work and her gardening services for upper-class families. Dani, on the other hand, had started tutoring kids and helping Jamie organize her work. After a couple of months, they managed to make ends meet and even save some money. They took out a loan and started building their own place in the world, one full of flowers. Now that they had finally finished moving the little stuff they had with them, they were finally ready to start afresh. Up until then, the days where they were strangers, the days where they didn't know how much they had left, their life before meeting each other – all of that felt like a warm-up for the rest of their days together. When she entered the kitchen, Jamie moved the flower pots to the sunlight as she heard Dani calling her name in an increasingly high-pitched voice. She could smell trouble.

“What’s up, doll?” she said as she was walking down the corridor towards her girlfriend. Dani was standing at the door of their soon-to-be bedroom, with her hands on her waist like a jar and tapping her left foot in disdain.

“I specifically told them to be careful with the flower pots that were supposed to be in the bedroom.” she said, leading Jamie inside the bedroom. “And now would you take a look at this mess? The dirt is spilled all over the place...”

Jamie frowned on purpose, looking at the dirty wooden floor.

“Oh, no, I wonder how on earth we are ever going to fix this chaos.” she said, sarcastically.

“Will you not make jokes just this one…?”

But Jamie knew how stressed Dani had been over the past few days, packing boxes and making sure that all of their things didn’t break or get lost during moving day. She had not been as helpful as she would have liked to. The good weather of the previous days had been great for Jamie’s work, getting calls from a lot of well-off families in the suburbs that were planning to make their gardens prettier as the summer season was just around the corner. Dani had done a lot by herself and Jamie knew that she had to up her game to keep a smile on her face, given the circumstances. She interrupted Dani by walking towards her and putting her arms around her girlfriend’s waist. She kissed her on the neck, right below her left ear, where she knew she felt tickles. Dani let out a small happy squeak, as she rose her leg and tried to hold on to Jamie.

“I am so sorry, honey, but broomsticks are actually a thing, ya know?” she said, as she continued to speak gently into her ear.

“Don’t do that” Dani said, though she didn’t really mean it. “You know what I mean…”

“I know, I know” Jamie agreed, sinking her nose in Dani’s skin and sniffing her lavender shampoo. “But I’ll take care of it. Why don’t you go make that iced tea with lemon you love and I’ll take care of the bedroom?”

Trapped between her girlfriend and the mattress behind her, Dani struggled to let go of Jamie’s body but managed to get rid of her, as the other one insisted on slowly moving her lips down and down to her shoulders and cleavage.

“Stop” she whispered. “Let’s finish with the moving, alright?”

“Fine” Jamie agreed, reluctantly. “I’ll clean this mess up and start assembling the bed. Seems like we’ll need it.”

Dani gave her a look.

“Just cause you are so tired!”

Dani left Jamie alone, right next to the different pieces of the unassembled bed. She took the broomstick that was lying around outside the bedroom, swept the floor and later extended the huge carpet they had bought at the Saturday open market, a beautiful persian rug imitation where they had made love the first time they placed it on their previous apartment. She smiled at the thought, reminiscing on how long they had come and how much their lives had changed in a year. From the english Bly cold to the humid Vermont summer, the lakes that surrounded the city were now places where they were planning to go, wishing to dive into the cold water and swim together, while holding hands and taking in the views of the endless northern sky. Those lakes could never bring bad memories. Jamie sighed at the thought of having a summer with Dani and Dani alone. It was as if she could already feel nostalgic for all the new experiences that laid before them.

She sat down on the rug and read the instructions to put together the bed. She was good with her hands, she knew that. Fixing and building things was one of the hobbies she had taken up during her dark years, in order to avoid going mad. Now, they had grown on her and the quietness she found in the things that were yet to be built was something she enjoyed deeply. Just like plants, time and nurturing could bring things up until the object on itself would become its fullest version with her help. She patiently put together the different pieces of the bed and tightened the screws on each end before putting the boards that were supposed to be under the mattress.

Dani was silent in the kitchen. Jamie could barely hear the occasional stirring of the ice cold tea and the metal spoon jingling against the glass. After a good hour, Dani walked in with two glasses of iced tea and cookies.

“You know people in the U.K would kill me if they saw me drinking this.” Jamie said, while sipping the beverage.

“I promise I won’t tell.” Danie smiled, taking a bite at one of the cookies.

“I was thinking that I’d like to cook you dinner tonight.” Jamie said. “After all the hard work you’ve put on this, I feel like I could compensate you, y’know?”

“I love the idea, baby” the other one replied and kissed her on the cheek “but I don’t want you to burn down our apartment only hours after moving in.”

Jamie faked her laugh at the joke. She also pouted her mouth. Dani could only laugh harder at her girlfriend’s face.

“I’m sorry” she giggled. “It’s a great idea”

She cupped Jamie’s face in her hands and kissed her gently on the lips.

“Let’s put the mattress on now” Jamie said and both of them walked towards it to place it on the new bed. “Now this is beginning to look like our bedroom.”

***

Dani stepped out of the shower and the smell of bolognese was drifting inside the bathroom. She figured Jamie must have been making her famous pasta with bolognese and parmesan, a dish she knew she couldn’t fail at. She put a tower around her and walked towards their new bedroom, where she had been unpacking suitcases of clothes and folding them before putting them inside the closet. Jamie’s shirts were lying on the undone bed. Her favorite David Bowie shirt, the shirts she used for work and were stained with dirt and mud, the turtle neck Dani had bought her when they arrived at Vermont and she would get a sore throat every now and then, the old cardigan Jamie wore over her pyjamas during cold nights and always ended up under the bed. She took all of the clothes her girlfriend owned and put them on a pile. She smelled the Bowie shirt and in spite of making sure that everything was properly washed before packing it, she could easily recognise Jamie’s smell, the perfect mix of fresh grass, vanilla splash and tobacco.

Dani put on her pyjamas. She put the underwear back in one of the drawers. She figured she could surprise Jamie that night, knowing she’d kiss her and slid her hands under her pants, like she often did. She walked towards the kitchen, where Jamie was battling with the sauce pan.

“Do you want me to take care of that?” she offered.

“No” she abruptly said, with her cute frown and her eyes fixated on the bubbly tomato sauce. “I have to sort this out.”

“Alright” Dani laughed. “But just remember to put the fire low when it starts to look like that.”

Dani poured wine inside two big glasses and lit a cigarette as she opened the window in the kitchen. She sat on the window frame, as she consumed the cigarette and looked at her girlfriend. She figured happiness probably felt a lot like that. After all, she wouldn’t know – she only had a chance at it after meeting Jamie and coming to terms with whom she was supposed to be. She kept looking at her, with the apron hanging from her neck, stained with little red drops of tomato juice and her nervous hands stirring the sauce to keep it from burning.

“I know we are pretty packed this weekend” Dani began “but I’d like to go hiking or something soon. Would you like that?”

“I’d love that,” the other one agreed, walking towards her after turning off the stove and taking a puff at the same cigarette. “Actually, we could go camping, huh? If you are feeling a bit adventurous.”

Dani’s eyes became huge all of the sudden.

“Oh my god, that would be AWESOME.” she squeaked, like a ten-year-old. “And we could even sleep in a tent!”

“And we could fuck in a tent, what about that?”

“I would most definitely love that.”

“Good, then we have a plan”

Dinner was ready. Jamie put the pasta in a ceramic tray and set the table. Dani was already sitting down, waiting for dinner to arrive. Jamie served dinner on their plates and waited for her girlfriend’s reaction to her most recent culinary accomplishment. Dani sunk her fork in the middle of the plate, taking a big chunk of pasta and sliding it inside her mouth. Her eyes fixed on the plate, as if she was evaluating the job Jamie had done. She closed her eyes and put a hand to her chest.

“Oh my god”

“Are they bad? Are they really bad?”

Dani kept her eyes closed and swallowed.

“They taste amazing,” she said, finally breathing. “Oh my god, I love pasta”

Jamie let out a sigh of relief.

“Oh, thank God”

Dani smiled at Jamie’s face of alleviation. She found it cute and innocent. Truth is, Jamie was lousy at the kitchen and she had been trying to get better at it for months, only to please Dani. The other one didn’t really care but Jamie insisted on treating her nicely after a long day of work and often found herself wrestling with recipes and ingredients. Before moving in with her, most of the food Jamie had was already cooked by Owen at Bly. The only dinner she had at her own home was pre-made and canned food. But after moving together, Dani had made her try all sorts of different things. Jamie had tasted tacos for the first time in Vermont. Their previous apartment was right above a Mexican restaurant and she wouldn’t get tired of ordering there. She also went through a whole phase of loving jewish food and taking knitches and kipe to work when there were leftovers from the night before. They had attempted to cook falafel on their own too, after going to dinner to a Lebanese restaurant and having Jamie lose her mind over the tiny balls of chickpeas.

“I only had this from the can!” she had said. “I didn’t know these bastards could taste like this!”

Her love for new food only grew bigger but her cooking skills were falling behind. Dani was not a great cook either, but she tried to teach her all the basics so that after a long day of work, they could take turns to prep dinner. Dani did cook a lot and she actually enjoyed it but Jamie fell for take out and ordering in. After spending that hideous summer at Bly Manor, food was one of the little things they had barely paid attention to. It is tremendously silly how something so banal and mundane can go unnoticed only to be discovered when all the other important things in life are solved. Now that they had ordinary worries, they could turn daily routines into something special. And sharing those moments of comfort while savouring in the little things, finding the good in simple stuff, it all felt disarming and rewarding. Time spent with each other helped them find satisfaction in the most common things.

They had finished the bottle of white wine that stood empty and solitary in the middle of the table. The second cigarette had consumed itself on the ashtray, while they forgot to smoke and kept gobbling up the spaghetti and talking nonsense. Both of them were feeling kind of tipsy and full, ready for a good night's sleep. The one The Clash hit was sounding on the radio, distant on the kitchen counter. Dani stood up and took the dirty dishes to the sink, while Jamie collected the empty glasses and tray. She held her girlfriend from behind as she stuck her nose behind Dani’s head and breathed in her perfume.

“I love you” she said.

“I love you too” Dani replied, while taking out her wet hand from the tap and placing it on Jamie’s.

Jamie kissed her below her ear, which made Dani get goosebumps. Her hand started to move down, pressing gently on her chest and later on her belly, while her lips continued to place soft kisses on the back of her neck. Jamie slid her hand inside Dani’s pyjamas while letting out a naughty laugh that suddenly went silent at the touch of Dani’s skin right in the place where she had originally been expecting to feel the fabric of her underwear.

“Well, this is new” she whispered as Dani turned around and kissed her full on the mouth, tasting on her lips the white wine they had drunk together and the traces of that delicious pasta. Jamie smiled and took Dani by the hand, guiding her to the bedroom. They forgot the water running and the tap open.


	2. The one where Dani and Jamie go camping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kind words <3 I'm trying to stay true to most of the story (not the ending, precisely) so all feeback about characters and stuff is very much welcome. Thank you for reading. I am loving this. You can also follow me at @emindomita On twitter.

The smell of bacon and eggs drifted inside the room where Jamie was sleeping. Her favorite breakfast. She could hear at a distance the sound of a frying pan and the radio. Half asleep, Jamie got out of bed, put on the first slippers that she could step on and left the bedroom. She saw Dani, standing by the kitchen counter, slightly moving her hips to that George Harrison tune that had flooded every radio station in the world and was beginning to drive Jamie crazy. She walked towards her and put her arms around her from behind, taking in her distinct fragrance of that lavender shampoo she had recently bought mixed with the smell of the English breakfast.

She wasn't surprised at the sudden touch, very much used to Jamie’s body being close to hers.

“That smells wonderful” Jamie whispered in her ear, as Dani turned around and kissed her good morning with a gentle touch on her mouth.

“Good morning” Dani smiled on Jamie’s lips. “How did you sleep?”

“I barely noticed you got up earlier. I turned around to touch you and you were gone.”

The other one smiled, getting back to the bacon.

“You did enough touching last night.”

Jamie poured some freshly made coffee in two mugs.

“Not enough” she whispered with a frown. “It’s never enough.”

The two of them sat in front of each other, with the coffees and the English breakfast in between them. They sipped the coffee in silence, while glancing outside the window. The sun was rising steadily on the horizon and the brightness of it announced it would be a wonderful weekend. The golden beaming pierced the clouds and crashed against the red roofs of the city. They could see the peaks of one of the catholic chapels of Montpelier and the trees growing in a mix of green and candy red.

“Have you finished packing?” Dani asked.

“I have.”

“You have?”

Dani’s voice concealed a tone of surprise. Jaime raised one of her eyebrows.

“Yeah, I packed, Poppins” she said bitterly. “Why so surprised?”

“Nothing, it’s just that you always leave things for the last minute” she bluntly said.

“Oy, don’t ruin this for me” the other one replied, hurt. “I packed everything you told me to pack.”

“Even the lantern?”

“Yeah, even the lantern” Jamie rolled her eyes. “I am excited about this. I can’t wait to go camping.”

Dani stretched her hand across the kitchen counter and reached for Jamie’s fingers. She lifted her hand and kissed it gently.

“Well, you showed me.” she said, giving her that cute innocent look that could melt Jamie’s heart. “I am very excited about this too. You know, these are my first holidays like ever.”

“Really?”

Jamie looked at her with surprise. It’s not like she had had many vacations in the past, but she did remember her father going fishing with her and her brothers before they took them away. As a kid, she remembered her dad rolling up his pants to step in the mud of the water and throw the fishing rod while he whistled that Elvis tune, the one that he liked and sometimes woke Jamie up in her sleep when she dreamt of him.

“Yeah, it’s the first time” she repeated. “My dad was never around growing up and my mom was too busy getting drunk. None of them kept a steady job ever, and I would always spend as much as I could out of the house.”

Dani never spoke about her family and Jamie never asked much. She figured she would tell her the story once she felt ready, bit to bit, til she felt comfortable putting all the chapters together. Truth is, there was a lot of talking they hadn’t done in their first year together. Most of it had been stolen by the ghost’s presence in Dani’s body and their conversations revolved around fear and time ticking away. But now that they knew that the remains of their days together would be infinite, there was a lot of getting to know each other at the deepest of layers.

“Well, dog days are over, my love” Jamie jumped from her chair and circled the kitchen counter, only to kiss Dani on the cheek and caress her hair. “We are going camping and I’ll show you how to fish, how to swim in the lakes, how to put up a tent and you’ll show me that stupid thing Americans do in the fire and we’ll have a great time.”

Dani laughed in surprise.

“Wait, what?”

“You know, that thing with the fluffy white thing and the stick.”

“Oh, you mean toast marshmallows?”

“Yeah, those suckers.”

“You are very cute when you want to, you know that?” Dani commented, as she cupped Jamie’s face and kissed her on the lips and on her little nose. “And cranky, sometimes, but above all, very very cute.”

“One of my many charms, Poppins, better get used to them.”

Both of them cleaned up the breakfast and got ready for their weekend in the woods. They packed summer clothes and some warm clothing for the night. They had put every penny into their apartment and the store downstairs that they were yet to renovate so they had to rent a car to go to the campground. They were yet to own their own. They originally were supposed to sleep in a cabin by the lake, but some local neighbours had advised them to rent a tent and put it up in the eastern part of the valley, where there were less people and the trees were smaller. At night, it was said you could see the full moon as if you were almost touching it with your fingertips. They jumped on the car at ten thirty, with a one hour and a half drive ahead of them. Dani had made a canteen full of iced tea. Jamie wouldn’t admit how much she loved it, but her girlfriend knew that it would be the perfect beverage to drink on their way to the camp as she drove steadily on the highway. They spent the ride blasting The Cure, a band Jamie had grown to love and Dani had never heard of much. She taught her all the songs and they sang to the top of their lungs. They also played the license plate games that Dani knew from her bus drives to school when she was little. Both of them were so excited that they were finally getting a weekend away, something that seemed an adventure. Everything they had been through in such little time had renewed their ability to be surprised at the smallest of things. Craving for a good meal by the fire or seeing the blossoming of an ancient tree in the woods seemed like things that seven year olds would be excited about. They didn’t care, honestly. At its core, everything seemed new to them because people in love see everything as if it was the first time.

They arrived at Lost River Valley Campground near noon, ready to begin their adventure. Dani had been talking non-stop during the car ride about how great the moon would look that night. She had heard on the radio that that night was expected to get the first full yellow moon of the season. They got off the car at the entrance parking and walked towards one of the guides who was supposed to show them their way to the place they had booked, near the eastern end of the campground. An old man from the staff received them near the entrance of the woods. Jamie spotted him from afar, cheekily talking to one family. He kept talking to the husband and ignoring the woman who had been asking if they had a water spigot near their site, while two young red-haired children played around her very loudly. Too loudly, actually, Jamie would’ve said.

“Good day, sir” Dani smiled at him, as the other family walked away. “We are looking to put our tent in the eastern region of the Valley, near the 94th slot.”

“Morning, ladies” he said as he chewed a toothpick.

His cheeks were red and he had greasy brown hair. The name tag read Don.

“94th slot is no good for you” he claimed. “It might be too far from the good restrooms and showers. I’d say you change to the 1 to 5 slots, here, near the entrance. You have the restaurant closer. The eastern end is recommended for experienced campers and fishermen.”

Dani insisted: “Sorry, that’s good advice, but we actually already booked a slot in that part of the campground. You see, we want to see...”

“I’m telling you – that area is not for ladies like yourself” he cheekily laughed, as ke hept chewing the toothpick and making weird noises with his nose.

Jamie took a step forward.

“Hey mate, we already booked a slot there, it’d be great if you stuck to your job and just showed us our way?” The tone was neither rude nor friendly, but Dani could recognize Jamie’s anger from miles away.

“Sure, but ladies like yourselves…”

“Do I look like a lady?” she interrupted him, clearly she was growing a bit tired of his obnoxious comments.

The guy took a long look at her, up and down, carrying his eyes from her combat boots to the oversized flannel and the blue bandana over her curly hair. The man called a young boy with his fingers.

“Jackson, would you show them their way to the 94th slot in the campground?” he asked. “Have a good stay at Lost River Valley, girls.”

They got on the car and Jamie turned the engine on as she whispered in a very low voice:

“Fucking Reagan fan.”

The boy led them to the furthest end of the campground, past the cabins filled with families and children and past the area where some tents were being set up by old couples. They arrived at the corner of the campground, where the Lost River and the Walker Brook met. The view was beautiful. The river was dark blue and across the stream, there was a grand colorful forest of Eastern White Pines and Northern Whitecedars. The valley was tranquil and quiet in that area, and big rocks surrounded a small hidden lake. Jamie and Dani got out of the car and started setting up the tent. Jamie tried to guide Dani through the process.

“Aight, look” she began. “It’s very hard to set up a tent if we can’t coordinate, so you’ll have to do as I say when I say it. If not, we are fucked.”

Dani smiled at her and nodded, her heart warmed at the sight of the other one, all tiny and bossy and ready to pick up a fight against any old disgusting guy who would try to mess up their plans.

“First, we assemble the poles,” she said, raising one of the poles that she took out of one of the long bags. “Good, now, we stake down the base of the tent.”

They did as Jamie commanded, pressing down the stakes with a red mallet she had bought earlier that week.

“Right, so we need to do this...” she said as she hammered down the stakes. “... so that the base doesn't slide around on us and we end up putting it loose or anything.”

Dani smiled again: “Ok.”

She was clearly containing a laugh.

“And now we add the poles” she continued. “Now, this is very important. You have to help me put it up now, at the same time, cause if not, it might get a bit messy, aight?”

Dani nodded again, amused at the tiny image of Jamie with her big flannel and the little curls falling over her eyes which she kept pushing them away with a blow from her lips.

“So one, two, three… Now!” they stood up and finished staking down the tent, assembling the poles on each corner. The tent was finally up. They added the covers and tied them down with the rest of the stakes.

“What a good job we’ve done, Poppins.” Jamie said as she admired the little tent in the middle of the woods.

“You did have some great help, didn’t you?”

“The best of helps.”

They put their bags inside the tent and Dani took out the sandwiches she had made to eat for lunch. They sat down near the river, with their feet touching the water. Unlike the lake at Bly, they could see their toes and the furthest the water went, the safest if felt. Dani was craving for a good swim in that delicious mountain thaw stream. They ate in silence for a while, admiring the sounds of nature and basking in the mid-afternoon sun, enjoying the company of each other.

“Is this what love feels like?” Dani asked, out of the blue.

It was almost as if she could feel the happiness physically in her gut, like a small lovebird nesting in her chest.

“What exactly?”

Dani lifted Jamie’s hand and kissed it.

“Comfortable easy silence with each other.”

Jamie smiled and placed a gentle kiss on Dani’s shoulder.

“Love feels like you whenever.” she claimed. “Both in silence and at its loudest. You signing The Cure out of tune feels a lot like love too, surprisingly. The songs I taught you. But also when you fall asleep mid-sentence at night after a long day. It’s a little bit of everything, I guess.”

“Why do I even bother?” Dani asked, with her eyes bright with joy. “You ended up being a lot better than me with words, huh?.”

“Who would’ve thought, Poppins” Jamie laughed, as she hit her softly with her shoulder.

They fell asleep for some time, under one of the big ancient trees near the river. An hour or so later, they woke up entangled with each other. They stood up and went to take a walk around, searching for branches and little woods for that night’s fire. Dani organized the little fire as the sun was beginning to set and Jamie threw the rod she had brought, expecting to fish something for that night’s dinner. Secretly, Dani had packed hamburgers in the little transportable fridge that was standing right next to their tent, under the bottles of soda and beer. However, luck was with them, and Dani caught two meaty brown trouts within the hour. Surprisingly enough, she opened them in half skillfully and put them over the fire, with lemon, butter, salt and rosemary. Dani stuck a few whole potatoes on a stick as well, and placed them next to the trout, waiting for the fire to do its trick. They sat down near the fire. The sun had come down fully, but the weather was pleasant and warm clothes were not necessary. They talked about nature and the goods of it, the generosity of it all, how small they were in the universe, how lucky they had gotten in a blink of an eye. They tried the fish when it was done and held hands the entire time, laughing at the idea of old couples having sex not that far from them and kids bothering their parents. They even wondered if Don the grumpy misogynist guy would’ve gone home back to his wife and be a good man.

“You could say that our first date was right next to a fire,” Dani pointed out.

“Was that a date?” Jamie questioned, remembering that night, Owen and poor old sweet Hannah.

“Of course it was, you were all over me.” Danie grinned.

“Me?” she shook her head. “You were the one who kissed me.”

“Come on! You were almost begging me to do it.”

Jamie laughed out loud.

“Jamie Taylor doesn’t beg, love.”

Dani also laughed, while she intertwined her fingers between Jamie’s and stared at the fire, as she took a sip of the beer. She extended her hand over her head and Jamie handed her the cigarette they were smoking together. She laid her head over Jamie’s legs and from that angle, she could finally see it. The big round yellow moon, like an egg yolk, rising above their heads.

“Look at the moon” she sighed. “It’s beautiful.”

“It is, yeah.”

They sat there in silence, their hands tied together, with an invisible string tying them together, binding them from forever, as if they had been all along, even before that night, even before Bly, even before that day when Jamie didn’t introduce herself, even before they met.

“You know what would be fun?” Dani asked, with a crossing smile.

“What?” Jamie looked suspicious.

“Skinny dipping.”

“What?”

“Let’s go into the water naked, come on” she insisted. “It’ll be fun.”

“People might see us.”

“Don’t be a baby, let’s do it.”

Jamie hesitated but Dani was already standing up, walking towards the small hidden lake between the rocks, leaving a trace with her clothes. She took off her jacket, her top and her pants before Jamie could even stand up. She reached the shore and the yellow moon lit a light on her butt and her naked back. Jamie walked towards her after grabbing two towels, imitating her. She sunk the tip of her toes in the water, stingy cold. She walked towards her girlfriend, who laid with her head just above the water and looked at her with a mischievous grin.

“Come here” she said, reaching out to her with her hand.

Jamie swam towards her and cuddled her, her bellies against each other, and put her legs around Dani’s waist.

“You’ll get cold” she whispered in her ear.

“I don’t care.”


	3. The one where Dani gets sick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii! Thank you all so much for your kind words. I am sooo thankful for your comments and feedback. This one is an innocent take on just a regular day, but just so you know, Dani's birthday is coming up and Jamie might be planning some things for Dani's special night. In the meantime, bear with me, and enjoy this one :)

Jamie was exhausted. Every step on the way up to the apartment felt like the final mile of a marathon. After that wholesome weekend in the woods, Jamie knew that a fussy week at work was coming. The summer was getting closer and many families were planning on tidying up their gardens and putting order after the blossoming of the spring, making the green grass greener and the red roses, redder. When she arrived at Montpelier, she first started doing the basics, mowing the lawn, cutting down bushes, watering plants. But she also knew how to make a garden look good and soon enough, her clients were happy with her work and so they grew in a blink of an eye, calling at home at all hours asking for english Gardener Jamie Taylor. Soon enough she would be able to save up enough money to finally open her own flower shop. She pictured herself taking care of her own small business, something that felt a lot like success growing up in her small Warwick town, perhaps hiring one or two people to do what she was doing now. She also pictured Dani helping her with the floral arrangements, maybe commissioning a wedding or two. She remembered quite clearly how every time she walked back home in the small british town of Arley, the two thousand people town in the Midlands, she’d stop her walking right in front of Mathans’s, the bakery where her classmate Rosie Mathans’s parents worked. She often stood several minutes admiring the cakes on display, staring at the coloured frosting, the bright cherries on top of the icing, the hand-made ribbons that decorated the pies, the homemade strawberry jelly and the number-shaped candles that embellished the birthday cakes. She often wished her mother would buy one of those for her birthday every 23rd of September but her wishes never came true. For young Jamie Taylor, owning a shop with such a marvellous and jaw-dropping showcase in that dirty unattractive mining town was very much like success. And even though she had shaken off that innocent idea as she grew older and the job her father did down in the coal mines started to look a lot like sacrifice and honor, she never forgot how independence was the thing she longed the most as an adult. Independence from her family, independence from foster care, independence from being locked up. Prison was the worst because of that, because she felt unsuccessful without the liberty she had fought for ever since she left Arley. 

Now that gardening gave her something that resembled that idea, and that on top of that she was able to share that with the woman she loved the most, she felt like she was above the clouds. Ambition had never been with her, but now she felt there were more opportunities than ever. But reality struck her often and money was not coming in as fast as she would’ve liked to. So she doubled down the hours when higher temperatures came, as Dani took care of the house and started tutoring low-income kids at their neighborhoods community center and the public library. Jamie was exhausted, yes, but the goal down the road was worth it: her own place, with the girl she loved, earning just enough to treat themselves to a weekend away and take out from time to time. Much better than what she could’ve possibly hoped for. Mouth to mouth had been a blessing for her small up and coming gardening business, but also a curse. 

“What is it about Americans and cliches?” she often wondered. “That they assume that because I’m British I can make floral arrangements and flower beds like the ones they see at bloody Buckingham Palace on their TVs.”

Jamie was not precisely a monarchist. She rather perceived herself as a recovering anarchist, a hooligan who longed for a democratic republic, but royalty had fucked her hometown over so many times, exploiting their men in the dead rocks of the mine, she might as well made some money out of it. That’s why whenever the Montpelier clientele called asking for royal floral arrangements and designing gardens that resembled those of Queen Elizabeth, Jamie did her best. And it served her well. But that Tuesday night, with her hands sore and some rose thorns cuts still burning, she was just fantasizing to go back home to Dani, cook with her and get in bed until she fell asleep with the TV on while watching Johnny Carson. She opened the door of her home and smelled dinner ready. The table was set and Dani was cuddled under a blanket on the couch, reading a book. She left her keys, took out her work boots and zipped down the overall she used for work to reveal a sleeveless white tee stained with dirt. Jamie walked towards her girlfriend, and bent over to kiss her on the forehead. Her lips noticed her skin warm. 

“Love, you alright?” 

Dani lifted up her chin and looked at her with tired eyes. 

“Yes, baby. Fine, really.” she said. “The kids were particularly naughty today.”

“Oh, oh” Jamie whispered. “You’ve got puppy eyes. Why do you have puppy eyes?” 

“I’m a bit tired, don’t worry.” 

Jamie put the back of her hand on Dani’s forehead only to feel the lingering warmth of a fever. She kissed her there, with the temperature as an excuse to touch her with her lips, but realized Dani needed to go to bed. 

“Let’s get you to bed, aight?” 

“No, no, I made you dinner and I want to sit with you and eat it.” Jamie lifted Dani from the couch, as she said this, breathing in her warm sick breath. “And then I want you to tell me how your day went, all the flowers you planted, all the lemonade your clients made you drink and all the gossip the housewives who hired you did.”

“Okay, these are definitely hallucinations caused by fever.”

They walked to the bedroom but Dani was so weak after pulling herself up from the couch that she could barely stay awake. Jamie sat her on the edge of the bed and helped her get her clothes off. She reached out for the closest shirt she could get, her Blondie tee with the face of Debbie Harry on it. She took her pants off and helped her get under the sheets, tucked in with her head on the pillow and her eyes small. 

“What do you feel, Poppins? Headache, sore throat, coughs? The unbearable lightness of being?” 

“Nothing, smart pants” Dani insisted, smiling at her girlfriend’s wit. “I’m perfectly splendid.” 

She mimicked Flora’s British accent, an inside joke they had grown to repeat over and over when they were trying to put a good face to a bad moment. Jamie couldn’t help but laugh at that overdose of adorableness. 

“Come on” she urged her. “You don’t have to play tough all the time. I’m here to take care of you.” 

Dani closed her eyes and held tight onto the bedcover. Her cheekbones were red but her eyes, lips and forehead were losing a bit of color. She stayed in silence there, breathing heavily. 

“You know what this is, love?” Jamie asked, lying right next to her after taking her work clothes off. “This is a classic case of what I call Jamie was right.” 

Dani opened her eyes and frowned. 

“What would you be right about, exactly?” her voice was low and out of sorts. 

“That it was too cold to go swimming naked in a lake of mountain thaw water in late May at night.” 

Dani rolled her eyes, noticing how her girlfriend would take the opportunity to rub on her face the fact that she had been right all along. But to be fair, looking back, it did seem like she might have mistaken romanticism with just being plain stupid. However, she wasn’t going to hand it in to her that easily. She did the biggest effort she could with the remaining energy had from that exhausting day and rose on the bed, supported by her elbows, and looked at Jamie with a threatening look that, to be honest, was not really threatening but rather funny, given her unwell condition. 

“The deadliest flu would have been worth it.” she snapped as she lifted her eyebrows with solemnity. 

Jamie bursted out a chuckle at Dani’s dramatic rendition, accentuated by her breathy voice and the sudden eye bags. She snuggled her up in the bed and stood up to get a quick shower and grab the dinner that was sitting on the kitchen table. She then returned to the bedroom after a very fast fifteen minutes, with some traditional flu medicine and a cold towel to put on Dani’s head. She lied down, right next to her, and ate what Dani had made for her. Jamie could feel every bone in her body aching with tiredness, but she still kept her eyes open and her fingers moving slowly through Dani’s hair until she fell asleep. The medicine had worked and the temperature gave in before midnight. Jamie too fell asleep with Dani in her arms as she continued to breath heavily and gasped from time to time in her sleep. The gasp became heavy coughing after one o’clock and kept Dani from being able to sleep properly. 

“Jamie” Dani called her in the night, with a whisper. “Jamie, wake up.” 

Jamie opened her eyes slowly, confusing Dani saying her name with the sweetest of dreams. 

“You’ll hate me but I can’t sleep,” she continued. “I get this cough and my throat hurts a bit when it comes.” 

Jamie tried to center. 

“Do you want me to make you some tea with lemon and honey?” she offered. “It might clear your throat.” 

“Could you go down to the 24-hour pharmacy down the street and get me vaporub?” 

Jamie didn’t answer but nodded. She got up quickly with her eyes small due to the sleepiness. She put on the first slippers she could find – probably Dani’s since hers were always hidden well under the bed, and left the apartment to get the medicine. She did it quite fast. Clouds were threatening to start a storm and the air was stagnant, which only could mean that a late spring tempest was coming in a few hours. It was almost three in the morning and there was no line, no nothing at the pharmacy, just a bored teenager doing his shift and probably wondering why life was so shitty he had to work during that night. She went back up to the apartment, to find Dani lying on the bed, waiting for her. 

“Put it on my chest” she said weakly, as she took out the Blondie shirt that now was her pajamas and let her chest bare. 

“Uhm… I don't quite know… how to…” Jamie mumbled. 

She tried to sit in a comfortable position to do it, but she couldn’t bring herself to rub the medicine on Dani’s chest. She looked so weak and frail and Jamie was just bad at the whole thing. Dani opened her eyes to see why Jamie was hesitating. 

“Oh, come on, Jamie, you put your tongue in my pussy and now you can’t rub freaking vaporub on my boobs? Really?” 

Jamie giggled nervously. 

“Sorry” she apologized. “It’s just that you are so naturally nurturing and I am so tough and clumsy, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“It’s just vaporub, come on” she insisted, in between coughs. 

Jamie sat on her, both of her legs on each side of Danis frail body and started rubbing the medicine on her. 

“Come on, baby, give it to me” Dani joked and laughed at her own comment. 

Jamie also laughed. What originally sounded like a cackle then turned into cough and heavy breathing. 

“Just stay quiet, Dani” she told her with a bossy tone, becoming serious all of the sudden, and continued to massage her chest with the medicine. “Is it getting better?” 

“A little, yeah” the other one replied as she was beginning to feel her chest clearer and her nose was less watery. “Thank you for going to get it. I know it’s late and you probably want to sleep after all of today’s work. I know it was a heavy day for you. I’m sorry..” 

Jamie kissed her on the forehead before lying properly by her side and getting under the sheets. 

“You don’t need to apologize” she said, calmly, caressing her cheek and pulling away a lock of messy hair so she could see her two green eyes. “Taking care of you is the most important job I have.” 

Dani smiled as she closed her eyes and fell asleep pretty soon after, as Jamie continued to delicately touch her skin, making sure the other one was sleeping properly with no coughs or anything. She felt her eyes falling down on her but she did her best to stay awake as long as she could, in case Dani needed anything else. Before she could realize, both of them were sleeping like babies. 

***

Jamie’s alarm went off later than expected. She had woken up at around seven to the sound of lightning and thunders. The rain was not going to cease during the whole day, which only meant that Mother Nature was wise enough to prevent her from going to work that day and make it easier for her to stay with Dani who was probably going to need her. But as soon as she turned round, searching for Dani’s hand, she realized she was alone in the bedroom. As soon as she figured this, she heard the sound of pots and pans in the kitchen. She stood up, fetched her slippers that were under the bed, and stormed out of the bedroom, ready to nag Dani for not resting. 

“What do you think you are doing, lady?” Jamie said with a threatening tone. 

Dani let out a small cry, surprised by the other one’s sudden presence. 

“We haven’t washed anything after yesterday’s dinner” she explained. 

Jamie went up to her and took the dishes from her hands. 

“Because you were sick and I was tired,” she replied. “But I am going to take care of this now, and you are going to go to bed.” 

“Bed?”

“Yes, bed.”

“But I have to go to work.”

Jamie rolled her eyes. 

“Are we seriously going to fight over this?” 

Jamie’s voice was scary and Dani knew that she was probably right about her needing to rest. 

“Okay, okay, I won’t insist” she agreed. “But at least let me call the parents to tell them I’m sick.” 

“I will call the library and Ms Sanders at the community center,” Jamie offered. “I’ll make you good tea and bring in breakfast. You need to have something, you didn’t eat anything last night.” 

Dani smiled at the image of tiny Jamie taking care of her, all serious and adult, telling her off for getting out of bed when she was supposed to be in it. She hurried back into the bedroom and laid there, while Jamie cleared the kitchen and tidied up. She soon fell asleep again after spending most of the previous night waking up to the cough. Jamie checked up on her several times during the morning, while she cleaned and worked on the plants she had been growing at home for some of her clients. Near noon, Dani woke up after feeling Jamie’s lips on her forehead. 

“Hello, there” she whispered, stretching her arms and legs on the mattress. “What time is it?” 

“Past noon” Jamie told her. “I made you some soup. How do you feel?” 

“Better” Dani calmed her. “But my throat is itchy.” 

“Well, you caught one hell of a cold, Poppins. Being a hopeless romantic is not free in this tough world.” 

Dani smiled and opened her arms to welcome her in them. 

“I don’t mind the cold if you are going to take care of me.” 

“Always” the other one lied with her. “I have to go to the shop downstairs because the architect is going to come this week and I need to start clearing out some boxes and take out some stuff that’s lying around.”

Dani nodded, with the face of a five-year-old. 

“Do you promise you’ll be good?” Jamie insisted. 

“I promise.” 

Jamie brought her the tray with soup and some bread and let her eat while she watched TV. The colour had come back to her lips, but her eyes still looked tired and she was pretty sure she could hear her coughing on her way out. Jamie went to the shop downstairs where the windows were still covered with wooden boards and the floor was dirty. They had hired an architect who was going to tell them which walls to throw down and was also going to build a small garden in the back so that Jamie could use it as a showroom for the gardening services. But the place was still full of shite, with debris boxes half-full, unpainted walls and several other things to fix. She swept the floor and filled the boxes with the trash that was lying around. She cut the loose wires and put duct tape on the electrical outlets. Two hours probably went by and the rain just kept going. She figured she had left poor Dani unattended for too long so she decided to go back up to check up on her, hoping she would be feeling better or at least getting the rest she needed. She locked the shop and went up, thinking she had a lot more to do before the architect arrived later that week. But as soon as she opened the door, she found Dani unpacking some of the boxes that were yet to be opened from the move.

“Are you serious?” Jamie said in disdain. “Come on, Poppins.” 

Dani turned around as if she was a kid being caught in the middle of mischief. She walked towards her and closed the box. 

“You don’t look well enough to be doing this” 

“I am, I promise” Dani said with puppy eyes. “Getting out of bed is better.”

“No, it’s not, Dani” Jamie contradicted her. “If you don’t want to be in bed, fine, but you need to rest. Putting books on the shelves is quite the opposite of that.”

Dani looked down as if she was a kid misbehaving. 

“Can I stay here with you at least?” she said with a tiny voice. Her eyes looked as if she was begging for company. 

Jamie’s heart just sunk.

“Of course, love, but you’ll lie down on the couch, while I take care of the plants. And you’ll take the medicine and be quiet, aight? No more bullshit.” 

“Okay” she agreed, ashamed. “Will you just sit down with me a little?”

Jamie smiled at how innocent she looked. She took big steps towards her and hugged her, making sure every inch of her body was covered with the blanket so she wouldn’t get cold. She also touched her forehead, trying to decipher if the fever was still there. 

“Why is it that you are so great at taking care of people but really really lousy at being taken care of?” Jamie asked.

Dani shrugged. 

“I guess no one did it before, at least not like this.” she admitted. 

“Come on, you told me Eddie’s family were generous with you.” 

“Yes, they were great,” she agreed. “But it felt like they pitied me, because they knew my parents weren’t around and because they just had to do it.” 

“Well, I reckon you can be a pain in the ass sometimes” Jamie joked. “But as for me, there’s no other place I’d rather be than here.” 

“Thank you.” 

Dani sunk her nose in Jamie’s neck and took in all her perfume. She kissed her there and stayed quiet for a while, feeling Jamie’s hand scratching her back gently, under the pajamas. 

“I know what you can do to keep me in bed” Dani said with a naughty smile.

“What?” 

Dani’s eyes sparkled with devilry. 

“We have to watch Dirty Dancing together.”

“Noooooo” Jamie yelled. “No, please, don’t make me.” 

“Come on, you’ll love it” Dani went on. “If not… I will… GET UP!” 

Jamie laughed at Dani’s threat. 

“Aight, Poppins, you win” she acceded after a few seconds of keeping her on her toes. “But just so you know, you’ve won this battle, but not the war.” 

They both got up and went into the bedroom where the only TV they owned was. Jamie made some tea and they went straight to bed, cuddled under the sheets, while the rain continued to fall steadily over the city. 


	4. The one with all the fighting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, it was SO hard to write this one. They are so pure and perfect together, I couldn't find a reason that was believable enough to have them fight over something. Anyways, I hope you like it and stay tuned for the next one which promises to be juicer ;))))

What a nightmare of a week. And Jamie’s body, it just ached from exhaustion and from missing Dani with her bones. It was the first time they were spending more than a day apart from each other, at least since they had come to America, and she could feel the absence quite vividly from missing her physically. Not in a sexual way, but she rather missed her presence, her smell, the sounds she’d make when walking around the house. How Dani being in the same room as her was just easily palpable, cause Jamie could just feel it somehow. Much like the way colours exist in the world and how their existence is explained by a combination of how the brain, the eyes and the light work, Dani’s impact on Jamie’s life was hard to understand but quite elemental. However, every day of that week, she came home at night to find the apartment in silence, reduced to walls and furniture. And this only made her miss her more, in a silent desperate human way. At the same time, past the anguish of being without her, she felt happy, actually excited, about thinking of Dani coming back. The best part of having seen her leave for the first time was longing for her to return. To hold her again, to feel the shape of her body, to memorize once more all the details and the corners of her figure, the texture of her clothes, her perfume. She would never forget her, but she needed to touch to be reminded of the details of her. “What a mess this girl has made of you, Jamie” she often thought when she remembered the old tough version of herself that lived alone above a pub, that would drink her nights away thinking life for her was condemned to be solitary. But how the tables had turned for her was beyond surprising and, better yet, comforting. 

Dani had left that Tuesday for three whole days. The Community Center where she worked held an annual trip for the kids of the neighbourhood whose parents were often unable to afford paying summer holidays. The people from the Center would take them to a National Park or one of the big cities nearby. That year, lucky for Dani, they had planned a trip to Boston. It was just a few days, but the kids were excited. And so was Dani, who had never been to any of the major cities on the East Coast, and jumped around the bus before getting on as if the trip was tailor made for her as well. Jamie had waved her goodbye as the bus drove away and promised she’d make a special dinner when she arrived. But the plans fell through as her week had been even more chaotic than expected. She had three times the shifts she used to and a lot of big houses that were redoing their gardens were located outside the city. Thank god the old pick up that they had recently bought was good enough for driving around the city and the suburbs. If not, she would’ve been stranded. 

She was running late for her last appointment, she knew that, and her Friday was far from being over. She had to go to the apartment, change, and head down to that bar on Marvin Street where she was supposed to meet with the architect. She had been running around all week and hadn’t been able to make enough time to meet with the man. They originally agreed that the works would begin as soon as Jamie approved the last blueprints of the shop and the untraditional style he led his projects required to kick off the entire project at that bar, with his daughter, the other person involved in the whole thing. As soon as she parked the car outside of her place and headed upstairs, her heart warmed, leaving the weight of the week behind her, thinking that Dani would be in there waiting for her once more. 

***

Dani arrived at the apartment a little before seven that Friday night, dreaming about taking off her shoes, getting into bed with Jamie and hugging her until she fell asleep next to her. She was exhausted. Those kids were saints, but could also be a pain. Dani had felt a bit like them in Boston, seeing everything for the first time, taking in all the new things she had discovered ever since her new life had begun. But the joy she felt every time one of the students’ eyes opened wide in surprise, marvelling at anything, that joy felt incomparable to most of the experiences she had gone through that previous year. It was a different kind of happiness – one that reminded her of Miles and Flora and how much her presence in the house had lit them up when the circumstances allowed her to. But she was done being Ms. Clayton, at least for the next few days, and was ready to go back home to her girlfriend. She hadn’t stopped thinking about Jamie for a second, realizing it was the first time they had been away from each other. She even sent her a postcard from Boston the moment she arrived at the hotel. It didn’t say much, just: “Look – I’m here!!!” and a smiley face. And even though she had been busy all day and her mind kept running around with the kids and not just her body, in the back of her head, there was always Jamie's voice, reminding her that she was waiting for her at home. When she stepped out of the cab and walked upstairs, she could feel her cheeks tightening in a smile at the thought of Jamie waiting for her with dinner ready. But her chest shrunk when she opened the door and the apartment was empty and silent. Her smile faded away. 

“Maybe she’s caught up with work.” she thought, and walked to their room to leave her bag. She took her shoes off and lied on the bed, looking at the ceiling in the dark. She felt the keys turned in the lock a few moments later and the sound of Jamie’s feet on the living room floor. 

“Dani, you here?” she called. 

“I’m in here,” Dani said from the bedroom. 

The other one walked into the room and her face lit up as she saw her girlfriend. Without thinking, she jumped right on top of her, while holding her and kissing her all over her face. 

“Oh god, I almost forgot how smoking hot you were” Jamie joked, as she placed little kisses all over her. 

Dani let out a cackle. 

“Stupid you” she said, as she tried to catch Jamie’s lips in her own. “Get in bed with me.” 

Jamie’s underbelly tensed at her words but her sense of responsibility prevailed.

“That is the thing I want the most right now” she began “but we’ve got an appointment, Poppins.” 

Dani’s face went somber. 

“What?” 

“I’m sorry, don’t hate me” Jamie apologized in advance. “But we have to meet with the architect. He’s finally beginning the work next week and he wants to show us the last draft of the blueprints with all of our suggestions”. 

“On a Friday night?” 

“I’ve been busy all week, this was the only time I could.” 

“But you knew I was coming tonight.” 

Jamie stayed silent, trying to find the right words to make Dani understand that the longer they postponed the appointment, the longer it would take for their shop to be ready. 

“I know but I promise it will be worth it.” 

Jamie kissed her once more, though Dani didn't reciprocate. She just wanted to stay home with her. The one night she was supposed to be the spoilt one. But she didn’t say anything. She knew how much the shop meant to Jamie and how happy herself was as well to have that plan together. It was something both of them had been dreaming of. She quickly put on her best face and stood up after Jamie, who stretched her hand to help her get up from the bed. 

“Alright” she said. “Let’s go.”

They both changed their clothes they had been wearing all day. None of them could shower, since they were already arriving late. They left the house in a hurry, walking fast towards the bar, which was not that from there. The town was alive that night, the streets flooded with people drinking and laughing on the sidewalks. There was a summer breeze that refreshed the crowded environment. Apparently everyone had decided to go out. Families, couples, groups of friends, occasional dog walkers with their pets. Jamie and Dani went into the bar where the architect, Robert, and his daughter Kate were. Jamie spotted them from the entrance and waved hello. 

“Hello, sorry for being late.” Jamie apologized. 

“No problem, Jamie” Robert replied. “Thank you for meeting us here, we really wanted to take a look at the blueprints with you.” 

“Sure, no problem,” she said. “This is Dani, the other owner of the shop. I believe you’ve met Robert but not Kate.” 

Dani smiled at both of them and shook their hands. 

“Alright, let’s get down to business.” the man said. “We’ve incorporated all the comments you made to the second version of the blueprint. So this brings us to this final sketch.”

Both Jamie and Dani bent further over the paper, following the man’s finger as he pointed to the latest changes. 

“So now we are throwing almost all internal walls but one and keeping the arches square to move from one room to the other. We are replacing the front window to make the showcase much bigger, like Jamie had suggested, and the counter will be on the left and not down the room.” 

The two of them kept nodded. All of this they had agreed to in their previous meetings. 

“Now, going to the back garden, we suggested that in order to make it more attractive and serve your purposes, it would be good to add a new window to the back of the shop in order to get more light and make a better use of natural daylight that comes from behind the property. And to this we’ve added a water wall and a small cascade with an electrical engine.” 

Dani was seeing this last part of the project for the first time. 

“This was not in the previous blueprint, right?” she asked. 

“No.” Kate replied. “I went to the place this week and the back garden is not big enough to really capture the vibe that you are looking for. At least not on its own.”

“Why exactly?”

“Because the back of the shop used to be a deposit, ergo the lack of natural light.” she explained. “In order to make the whole room more lively, it would be great if some of the lightning went in through a window. And since the back garden is quite small still, water is gonna reflect the light and will make it appear bigger.” 

Jamie looked quite pleased with the latest changes but Dani was confused. 

“Is it still within the original budget?” Dani asked. 

“It’s fifteen percent more,” the architect said. “But the moment we agreed to the project, we can get at least a 5% discount on materials if bought all at once. We can sort it out.”

“Alright” Dani said, trying to conceal her weariness.

Jamie held Dani’s hand under the table, but she didn’t move. She just felt overwhelmed by the sudden changes and the excess of information. She also was simply tired having spent the entire week with kids in a city she didn’t know, being alert 24/7 and not having one second to relax. She could feel the annoyance building inside of her for being somewhere she didn’t want to be and hadn’t planned to. 

“Excuse me for a second.” Dani excused herself. 

She stood up. Kate and Robert hadn’t really realized her irritation, but Jamie had, of course. She went into the ladie’s room and splashed some water on her face. She looked at the mirror and yawned. The bags under her eyes were beginning to be noticeable and she felt her skin dry. She left the restroom to make her way back to the table, only to run into Jamie right outside halfway. 

“You okay?” she asked, grabbing both of her hands.

“I am just a bit tired” Dani didn’t lie. “And I feel out of place after all the changes you made. I am not sure I can comment on them.” 

“You are supposed to” Jamie reminded her. “We are doing this together.” 

“Well, it doesn't seem like it.”

“What?” 

“Nothing, I’m just exhausted and I wasn’t planning on being here tonight.” again, not lying. “I think I’ll go and you can seal the deal with them and that’s it.” 

“Dani…” 

“I’ll just see you at home.” 

Dani left the bar. She avoided the main entrance and went out through another exit, so that she could avoid the other two. She angry-walked, she would feel that in her pace, in the way her feet stomped on the sidewalk. How could Jamie change stuff without telling her? And the money? They didn’t have that money. They had already surpassed the original budget. What on earth…? And now that the summer was coming, she wouldn’t be giving her tutoring classes and her salary would be cut in half. They hadn’t even discussed that and Jamie was already promising to pay more than what they actually could. She just felt irritated and jaded at how that night had played out. She arrived at the apartment, put on her pajamas and got inside the bed with a book and some leftovers of mexican food that she found in the fridge. She tried to calm down, but the longer it took for Jamie to come back, the angrier she felt. Hadn’t she noticed that Dani’s reaction was actually just a cry for affection? 

An hour later, Jamie arrived. Dani was still awake and she could hear her moving in the kitchen, opening the fridge, pouring some water on a glass. She finally stepped in the bedroom, where Dani was waiting for her. 

“Dani?” 

“Yes?” She didn’t lift her eyes from the book page, as if she had barely noticed she had arrived. 

“What was that about?” 

“I was kind of expecting you’d be waiting for me tonight.” she said. “Just like I do every goddamn day of the week for you.” 

“You knew I was going to have a tough week.” Jamie explained with her tone worn out. 

“I thought your week finished today at seven.” 

“Well, me too, but I had to meet with them.” 

Dani left the book next to her and sat down properly on the bed. 

“Well, great, let’s talk about them, then.” she went on. “How are we gonna pay for the latest changes that you made? We are already short on money.” 

The fact that she emphasized the “you” made Jamie clench her teeth, but she took a deep breath and tried not to let anger take hold of her. 

“Well, we can take out a small loan, refinance the house partially, I don’t know…”

Dani was growing angrier at Jamie’s improvised solution. 

“Well, I’d like to see our credit rating” she sarcastically snapped. “The people at the bank are gonna be thrilled to give a loan to a british immigrant and former convict and a girl that can’t keep a steady job for more than four months and actually volunteers at a Community Center for a living.” 

Jamie went quiet, hurt at the fact that Dani was using her past in the name of being honest and rational. 

“Out of all the things you could’ve said, that was probably one of the most hurtful.” Jamie replied. 

Dani didn’t measure her words and now she felt guilty, but her pride kept her from apologizing. 

“Honestly, I would sleep on the couch but I am so fucking exhausted that I will just make myself some tea and not talk to you. Good night.” 

Jamie did as she said. She went to the kitchen, made a cup of tea for herself, and later went into the bedroom to get into bed. When she did, Dani was already asleep. 

***

She had vowed not to work on Saturdays, but she could use the money, to be fair. Especially after the previous night. And originally Jamie had planned to cancel on Mr. Ferrari, who had called earlier that week begging for her to go before Saturday night, since he was planning on throwing a surprise birthday garden party for his wife. But the morning wasn’t going to be how she would have liked to and, to be honest, she wasn’t in the mood for talking to Dani about what had gone down at the bar. She understood that she might have freaked out because she had made last minute arrangements without asking her and that they were going to need more money. And she also knew that working with kids was draining in a way Jamie would never experience. After having to take care of them for so long, arriving at home and resting would have been her first option as well. But it was not the moment to stop. It was not the moment to hesitate. They had worked so hard that first year in Vermont and so much Viola had taken away from them, that she knew they didn’t have to hold back now. As if the rest of their lives were about to begin at that moment, with their plans, their dreams, their goals together. It was going to be worth it. Jamie knew that. And she thought Dani also knew that. But what if she didn’t? What if she didn’t care that much? Or worse, what if Jamie had been so self-involved in her own fantasies that she didn’t take the time to ask Dani what it was that she wanted? The thought of being a narcissistic preek made her loathe herself. As she drove down the streets of Montpelier on her way to Mr. Ferrari’s, she pictured herself carrying on alone, opening the flower shop on her own, living without her. A shiver went down her spine. God forbid that happened. 

***

Dani heard Jamie leave in the morning. She didn’t know she’d be working that Saturday and, for a second, she thought she had left because she was still mad at her for her little display of drama the night before. But then she realized she had taken her work clothes with her and a few of the tools she usually used to take care of the plants of the apartment. She figured she might have taken a job because, quite frankly, they were going to need the money. She cleaned up and made homemade pizza, something she knew Jamie would like when going back home, trying to take her mind off of their fight. But pretty soon she ran out of chores to do and to occupy her thoughts, having cleared the bag she took to Boston and putting all the clothes in the washer. She grabbed the keys of the shop and went downstairs. She hadn’t actually been down there for the last week and she wanted to try picturing the changes Robert and his daughter had suggested. The architect hadn’t begun with the work yet so she went to the back and tried to imagine what he had described at the bar. She hated that he was obviously right. And she also hated herself a bit for putting Jamie down. She remembered how Jamie’s eyes sparkled when she told her the story about that bakery in Arley, how her parents would tell her brothers that a man (or a woman) was his own work – that was what he was worth. Dani knew how much it meant and how much she wanted to share that project with her. After all, she felt it was something that bound them together, that made them have a final goal. Before Viola was gone, the idea of opening a flower shop had been the one thing they looked forward to. It was their little excuse, their little getaway from the dreadful doings of that evil soul that had stolen a whole year in their lives together. Now they had the time to make the flower shop grow and Dani thought that if they didn’t have the money to make it perfect, then they were going to work for it. But she didn’t want to be the person standing between Jamie and her dreams. She really just wanted to see her happy. She took one final look around and saw a heavy denim jacket on one of the chairs in a corner. It didn’t look like it belonged to Jamie. It didn’t have her smell. She took it upstairs. Maybe it belonged to the architect. Or his daughter. 

It was past noon and Jamie hadn’t called nor arrived. The hours were going by and nothing. She was about to go to her room when the bell rang. She hurried downstairs, surprised that someone was buzzing and asked who it was. 

“It’s Kate” the person behind the door replied. 

Dani was surprised. She opened the door. 

“Hi” she greeted her. 

“Hi, sorry for bothering,” she said. “Is Jamie in?” 

“No, she’s not” Dani answered with a smile. “But if you want to tell her something about the shop, I can give her the message.” 

“Oh, no, it’s not work-related,” she replied. 

Dani looked at Kate trying to conceal her astonishment. 

“I forgot my jacket at the shop and I was wondering if she had it.” 

Dani then remembered the ownerless denim jacket she had found that morning. 

“Ah, yes.” she recalled. “Come on up. I have it.” 

Both of them went upstairs in silence and Dani showed her in. 

“Your apartment is very nice.” Kate praised the place. “I didn’t know you guys lived together.” 

“Sorry?” 

“I didn’t know you lived together.” Kate repeated. “But I guess it makes sense – starting a business with your roommate is quite common these days.” 

Dani felt her facial expression changing and the way her sweet smile became an awkward grim. 

“I thought you hadn’t been able to meet during the week” Dani observed, changing the subject. “Wasn’t that the reason why you asked us to go to the bar?” 

“Oh no, I didn’t see her this week” she confessed. “But she gave us keys to the shop so that we could look at the place and make the final adjustments to the last blueprint, while she was not home.” 

Dani was waiting for a confession like that to outsmart her. 

“So you have keys to the shop where you originally left your jacket” she began. “But instead you buzzed looking for Jamie so that she could… go with you to the shop and give it to you in person?” 

Kate swallowed. 

“Right, exactly.” she laughed nervously. “Now that I think about it, it doesn’t make much sense.”

Dani’s face went back to the original smile. 

“Well, thank God I am here to give it to you, then” she meant to say this sarcastically, but the other woman didn’t get the tone. Perhaps not everyone was cut out for her sense of humour. 

Kate smiled shyly as Dani handed her the piece of clothing she had come to fetch. 

“All sorted out then” 

“Good.”

“Good.”

An uncomfortable silence filled up the room. 

“Well, I’d better go then!” Kate clearly wanted to leave. 

Dani walked her downstairs with the same unreadable facial expression she had had ever since she found out Jamie hadn’t told her they were actually a couple. She went back to the apartment, but kept thinking about the same thing. She wasn’t exactly sure what to make of it, but she was certain about something: it fucking hurt. 

***

Jamie opened the door with one hand, since she was holding a bunch of flowers with the other. As soon as she turned round, she saw Dani at the kitchen counter, with her eyes fixated on a glass of iced tea. The afternoon was dying outside, and the sun had already turned into that kind of orange that precedes nighttime. 

“Hi” she said, knowing they hadn’t properly talked since their fight the night before. “I brought you this.” 

She walked towards her and handed her the flowers. Dani didn’t take them, so she left them on the counter. Jamie swallowed, trying to get rid of her pride, and continued talking, in spite of not getting an answer. 

“I saw them next to the highway,” she explained. “I stopped the car on the side of the road to get them. For you. They are wildflowers. Vermont originals. Thought you might like them.”

Again, no answer. 

“Seriously Dani, I’m sorry, aight?” she apologized. “I should’ve told you. I am sorry and you are right, I should have been more considerate last night.” 

Dani’s look was lost somewhere, blinded by her thoughts. She was entertaining a dangerous idea in her head. 

“Kate came today.” she started. “She was looking for you. She said she wanted to see you for a non-work-related thing.” 

“Oh” Jamie was surprised at the abrupt change of subject. “What did she want?” 

“She wanted her jacket back,” Dani replied. “Apparently she had left it downstairs.”

“I had no idea.”

“I don’t know what I find the most curious,” Dani’s words were building the soon-to-be-delivered sarcastic punchline. “The fact that she brought to work a heavy denim jacket in the middle of the summer or that she forgot it downstairs or that she could’ve asked you to bring it yesterday night but didn’t or that she has keys to our flower shop. What do you think is the most curious?” 

Jamie wasn’t sure if she was supposed to guess but she took a shot. 

“I don’t know, all of them?” 

“Well it’s actually none,” Dani admitted. “What I find the most curious is the fact that she called me your roommate.” 

That was the moment when reality hit Jamie and realized Dani was actually jealous. That fact on its own made her mad. 

“Are you seriously pulling a jealousy routine right now?” 

“I think I have the right to” Dani snapped. “After finding out that you didn’t have the decency to tell your architect slash bestie that we are actually a couple.” 

“Dani, you wanted to let the people at work know about us being a couple before I told others we barely knew.” Jamie reminded her. “You literally said that yourself. I would never not tell anyone about it just because. You were the one who asked for more time. Blimey, it’s no big deal.”

“If it is no big deal, then why does it hurt?” 

Jamie took a deep breath, in disbelief that Dani would think that badly of her. 

“If it was for me, I wouldn’t hide that from anyone.” 

Jamie’s eyes got watery at the idea. 

“Then it is my fault for not being brave enough?” Dani’s words came out, sharp as a knife, concealing the fact that she was now feeling insecure. “Is that what you mean?”

“What? No! This is not about being brave” the other one responded. “This is just you making a big deal out of something that I did.”

“Or rather didn’t do.” 

“Could you just stop being sarcastic for a second and own up to the fact that you’ve been completely irrational since last night?” 

Dani’s eyes opened with incredulity. 

“I am being irrational?” her voice became nervous and high-pitched. “You are the one that’s hiding things from me! I had a long tiring week and all I wanted was to come back to my girlfriend, but you were too busy playing hard to get with your fucking architect!” 

“I am not doing this” Jamie said. 

“Yes, we are doing this.” 

“No, I am not going to entertain this shitshow that you made up for yourself.” her voice was calmer than Dani’s but she was clearly just as mad. “If you stop for a second and think about what I am saying, you will understand.” 

“All I wanted was for you to be here for me when I arrived.”

“Dani, all I’ve done is be here for you ever since we left Bly fucking manor.”

That was the last straw, the punch that knocked her out. They had never fought like this before, saying what they knew would hurt the other one for the sake of being cruel. Worn out by their week and the routine that was killing them, they had been so caught up in their own thing that they had forgotten how to talk about what they needed from each other or even how to ask for it. They looked at each other in disappointment, as if for a split second they couldn’t remember what had taken them there. Jamie took one step forward, hoping Dani wouldn’t step back, but she did. She looked at her until her eyes were filled with tears and right before she was about to break, she turned round and went to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Jamie took off her clothes, having already given up, and prepared to sleep on the couch. 


	5. The one with the make up sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *talks into cellphone* I'm gonna give the gays everything they want.

Jamie tried to fall asleep without thinking what she had said and the way she had said it. But her own words echoed in her head, reminding her that she didn't mean any of them, but nevertheless she had uttered them. She reckoned she felt under a lot of pressure and this time, she didn’t have Dani to guide her through it all. Maybe it was true – maybe she had been a narcissistic twat all along. Maybe she wasn’t cut out to be with anyone. At least not for too long. But just the thought of that for a split second made her cry. She wasn’t deceiving herself. Dani was not the reason for it all. The flower shop had been her dream, the trip to America had been her dream, starting again had been her dream. But then again, it was Dani, who tied it all together. It’s not that she couldn’t live without her, but she definitely didn’t want to. She loved her too much and the rest was just… well, the rest was pretty much as perishable as confetti. She revolved on the couch, doubting if she should go to their room and apologise. She feared it might not be enough. She had always downplayed the importance of words. Throughout her life, she had heard a lot of people saying things they didn’t mean. Parents who said they wouldn’t leave their children, foster parents who said they’d take care of you, big brothers that said they’d always protect you. Even her, she had said things that were now gone like dust in the wind. Actions defined people. But now words were all she had, and that unbearable weight in her chest that made her sob in silence and think over and over and over again what she had said to Dani. 

God, she hated that pillow. She took the blanket off, revealing her pyjamas shirt and her bare legs. The kitchen tap was broken and the sound of tiny drops of water were driving her mental. She had promised Dani she’d get that during the week but she hadn’t, she had barely had time, and now she was paying for it. Again, fucking words. All of them. She was not used to sleeping in the living room. If she opened the window, it would get too cold. If she closed it, it would get too hot. Maybe she was just lying to herself. The reason for her feeling odd was that she wasn’t used to not sleeping with Dani next to her. It had become such a rewarding habit that it was in that sudden unwanted loneliness that she felt utterly strange. She tried to blame it on something else. The broken tap. The couch. The temperature. The pillow. But deep down she knew she just missed her, as if she had never truly come back from Boston. 

“Oh fuck me and my stupid pride” she murmured. 

She stood up in the dark and started walking to the bedroom, trying to choose the right words to say she was sorry. She kept thinking about what would be accurate but also honest. But in a moment like that, after their first fight, she just felt out of words. A sudden shadow appeared in the middle of her way, fully upright, next to the bedroom door. It started to move towards her, slowly but steadily. Jamie was awake enough to notice it was Dani and not a scary pook. She seemed as if she hadn’t been able to sleep either. As soon as they realised they were both awake and walking towards each other, they stopped for a second. But Jamie surrendered and so did her entire body. Her shoulders gave in and her proud chin went down. Dani’s face loosened and she stopped clenching her teeth. They took big steps towards one another as if their minds had been intertwined in their resolution to stop fucking around, get rid of their stupid honour once and for all, and welcome each other as if the last hideous day hadn’t happened. Their bodies crashed, as if they were two magnetic fields that had been apart but actually were meant to be together, forever bound by a powerful force of nature. They kissed, putting away the thirst of being apart. 

“I’m sorry…” Jamie tried to say in Dani’s mouth. “I didn’t mean to…”

“I know, I know” Dani assured her, without stopping the kiss. 

Jamie had rehearsed the words in her head so she wanted to make sure she heard them. 

“I never wanted you to feel…”

“Sh, sh” Dani interrupted her once again, desiring her with every inch of her body. “Just fuck me.” 

Jamie felt the rush in her veins, the sudden adrenaline that started boiling in her blood and consuming her from within. She pressed Dani against the corridor wall, clumsily, making her head hit one of the paintings they had hung there. The picture fell and made a loud noise on the floor. Both of them looked at it and laughed, only to continue their dance of lips and teeth and tongues, intertwined in a spiral of unleashed passion. 

“I’ll get that in the morning.” Jamie whispered in between sighs. 

She continued kissing Dani’s neck as she felt her girlfriend’s leg climbing up her own, in her trademark gesture of holding on to her so that she wouldn't pull away. But Jamie wasn’t planning on doing that, having waited for that moment ever since she had left for Boston four days before. She had missed all of Dani – her smell, her skin, the way she could press her body against hers and feel as if their shapes had been designed to fit perfectly. Dani lost herself in Jamie’s lips and the sound of her biting her skin. She moved her hands down, until she could grab her butt and Jamie let out a moan that only signaled how much she had been waiting to be touched like that, only by her. They barely could stop to catch a breath, feeling they had to make up for the time they had lost with meaningless fighting and stupid jealousy. Jamie moved back up to Dani’s mouth, licking her lower lip and savouring all of her mouth. The audacity only made Dani grow bolder and she pushed Jamie against the other wall, trying to deepen the kiss the other one had initiated. She took off Jamie’s shirt, only to find her breasts bare and hard beneath. Without hesitating she bit them gently with her lips, capturing her nipples and later fixating on her left boob because for no reason it was her favourite. Jamie held Dani’s hair, the one thing she could still feel tangible, since the rest of her body was being taken to a whole other dimension where she felt like every part of her skin was going to explode. Dani dared to continue going down, removing with her teeth her girlfriend’s underwear and leaving her naked in the middle of the corridor, going down on her as she heard how she groaned and whimpered and repeated little yeses in between gasps. Jamie was just gone, completely gone, lost somewhere where the only reality she knew was Dani’s hands and mouth, activating every corner of her body as if she was a bomb nearing mass destruction. She could only feel the trace on her skin after Dani’s tongue, the slow burnt of her kisses, printing her marks on her. Dani didn’t hold back. The moment Jamie’s underwear hit the floor, she went straight into her center, biting down smoothly from all the right angles that Jamie liked. Dani’s tongue sped up, encouraged by Jamie’s sensual movement of hips, back and forth, and how she had moved her leg up, placing one of her feet on Dani’s shoulder, so that she’d have an easier way inside of her. She licked and tasted and relished in every inch of meat she could get a hold of. Jamie’s moans became louder and louder, having lost all perception of time and space. Dani grabbed Jamie’s bare butt once more, trying to extend her tongue further, reaching her clit so that she’d come, so that she stopped feeling that excruciating hunger that had been hunting her and begging her to find the only source that could put away her misery. Jamie let herself go, feeling as if she could touch the very sky, and her vagina just burst into orgasm, that delicious feeling of holiness in the hands of the woman she loved. Her legs became weak and her belly relaxed, as Dani embraced her legs and tried to catch a breath. Jamie looked down and her eyes met Dani’s. She extended her hand and invited her to stand back up, only to kiss her gently on the lips while she also recuperated. She tasted herself on Dani’s lips as her panting diminished. She had eaten her up, like a piece of fruit, like ice cream on a summer day. She smiled close enough so that Dani could see Jamie’s wrinkles around her lips. 

“You have no idea how much I missed us.” Jamie whispered. “I am sorry. Forget everything. We are in this together, aight? You and me.” 

“I never for a second doubted that.” 

Jamie kissed her gently once more and took her by the hand. She guided Dani into the bedroom with a naughty look. 

“What do you think you are doing?” Dani asked. 

“Oh, don't mind me” Jamie replied. “I just miss my bed a whole bunch.” 

Jamie made Dani stand at the foot of the bed and took her nightdress and her underwear off. 

“What is it exactly that you are doing?” she asked after swallowing, feeling her skin getting goosebumps everywhere. 

“Quiet, love.” she hushed her, placing a tender kiss on her chin. 

Jamie looked at her in the eye while she licked her upper lip to provoke her. She gently put a finger on Dani’s chest, implicitly commanding her to sit on the bed and start crawling backwards, on her elbows, until she reached the other end of the bed and her back was full against the headboard. Jamie moved smoothly towards her, walking on all fours like a cat and climbed on top of her silently, without taking her eyes off of Dani, who was doing as she had told her. The tiny brunette put one leg forward and the other one stretched backwards, thrusting her center into Dani’s and swaying slowly first, eyes locked, as if an invisible ray of light was holding them together and time had stopped completely around them. Dani held Jamie by her shoulders, implicitly inviting her to accelerate the pace, because she just couldn’t wait anymore as she felt herself getting wetter and wetter. The other one leant in, kissing her wildly, as if they hadn’t done that for too long. Their kiss was messy and desperate as if the satisfaction that was building in their pelvis couldn’t be contained and needed to get out of their bodies through somewhere else as well. Dani’s desire could not be concealed, as both of them moved together, knowing each other’s moves, like tuneful waltz dancing, like a reckless serenade. Dani lost herself in that joint twirl, forgetting everything else and only thinking of the cascade of feelings she could sense in her underbelly. 

“Oh, God” she sighed, mouth dry, trying to grab onto Jamie. “Oh, God. Don’t stop.”

The ask only made Jamie go harder on her, feeling her thighs sore and her clit close to implosion. Dani’s eyes closed but her mouth opened, releasing a throaty cry of pleasure and relief as Jamie was too cuming for the second time. Dani stayed for a brief moment with eyes shut, trying to catch her breath. She then looked at Jamie and laughed shyly, all red and cute. Anything bad between them vanished as unexpectedly as it had appeared. Both of them were agitated. They separated and lied down next to each other, smiling like teenagers. Jamie put the bed sheets on them, and caressed Dani’s cheek, before placing a gentle peck on the same spot. 

“No more fighting” she said, as she extended her little finger. “Even if it ends like this. No more fighting.” 

Dani pinky promised that, after entangling Jamie’s finger with hers and kissing it. 

“Promise.” 

They lied awake, looking at each other in silence. Jamie drew little circles on Dani’s side, playing with her fingers on her skin. 

“This was one of the best ones, wasn’t it?” Dani said, smiling as is if she had been thinking about that for some time. 

Jamie laughed. 

“I knew you were thinking that.” she chuckled. “I mean, I came twice. Can’t complain, can I?”

“You sure as hell cannot.” Dani said cheekily, with a self-satisfied grin on her face. “We’ve come a long way.” 

“Yeh.” Jamie was pensive as well. “Do you remember that first night?” 

“I do. And I think about it often.” 

Both of them were holding each other under the sheet and the clock was reaching midnight. 

“You do?” 

“I certainly didn’t know what I was getting myself into.” she joked. 

Jamie smiled, remembering how they had stumbled into Dani’s room without making noise, trying not to wake anyone up. That she had taken Dani’s clothes slowly and how she had asked her for the hundredth "Are you sure?" and for the hundredth time Dani had replied "like never have I ever before". She also remembered she was so scared, scared to death, because at that point, she already knew there was something new for her in store. 

“I thought about it even before it happened.” Dani confessed, blushing. 

Jamie’s eyes opened in surprise. 

“You did?” 

“Well, I thought you were hot, I mean.” Dani was growing redder. “What? You were!” 

“I was.” 

“And I kept stopping myself…” 

Jamie looked at her dearly, with the sweetest smile on her face. The way she looked at her reassured Dani that things happened as they were supposed to. And they had been perfect. 

“But we are here now, aren’t we?” Jamie sighed tenderly. “Because…”

“There will be other nights.”

“Exactly.” 

“Don’t you sometimes wonder what would’ve happened had I not been sure?” 

“Well, I am no romantic, Dani.” Jamie began “but I think that we were meant to be together somehow. Like, not in a weird cheesy heavenly sort of way, but when someone fits, ya know? You feel it.” 

Dani’s stomach felt as if she had a lovebird flapping. 

“It’s just so weird that you, with no au pair experience, coming from the States and then me, a girl from the Midlands who lived in Birmingham, London, Brighton… we ended up in Bly out of all places, living together, defeating a centuries old ghost…” Jamie was now teasing her. “I mean, that’s gotta mean something, aight?”

“Something huge.” Dani laughed and kissed her gently. “Something grandiose.” 

They went quiet for a while, both of them thinking of the actual planet alignment that had to take place in order for them to meet. 

“What are you thinking?” Dani asked. 

“I am… thinking…” Jamie’s voice was sleepy. “That I am hungry.”

Dani’s eyes opened wide. 

“There’s homemade pizza.” 

“Fuck, I love you.” 

***

They sat on the kitchen counter waiting for the pizza to be done. In the middle of the fighting and the shouting they had forgotten to have dinner. That fact, added up to having sex on their empty stomachs, only made them hungrier. Jamie loved pizza but Dani’s homemade version was much better than anything she had had before. The crust would grow fluffier on the inside and crunchy on the outside, and she always made a special dressing of olive oil, chopped basil, salt and pepper to add on top of the cheese. Dani joked that the pizza was like Jamie, hard on the outside and tender on the inside. They opened two bottles of beer and sat by the window, taking in the summer air that went in and appreciating that the city had sunk into that night time silence that would only be disturbed by occasional teenagers leaving bars or the sound of a lost car driving down the Avenue. The pizza was ready soon after. Jamie went up to the oven, took it out and brought it to the window. A car parked on their street, below their window, playing Whitesnake’s Is This Love. A drunken teenager sung the song to her girlfriend who was covering her face with embarrassment. 

“Would it be too cheesy if I asked you to dance?” Jamie asked Dani with an insolent smile. 

“So cheesy.” Dani returned while biting down the crust of her first slice of pizza and rolled her eyes jokingly. 

“Good” Jamie nodded. “Thank God I won’t.”

Both of them smirked, amused at the idea. 

“This is so good.” Jamie whimpered, almost sounding sexual.

She closed her eyes and savoured the food with a pleasure expression on her face. 

“You are making your sex face while eating, it’s weird.” Dani laughed. 

“Aren’t they sort of the same thing?” Jamie replied. “Ah, the low pleasures, the unrelinquished satisfaction of body and soul.” 

Dani cackled at her girlfriend's unorthodox choice of words, grabbing another slice of pizza and licking the drop of olive oil that was dripping down one of her fingers. She went quiet for a bit and then came back:

“How many times have you done it before?” 

“You mean my sex face?” Jamie was confused. “I don’t know, you just saw me.”

The other one laughed and continued eating her pizza. 

“I mean having sex with women.” 

“Blimey.” 

“Come on,” Dani insisted. “Like, not how many women you have slept with, but rather… Were you always sure? I am just curious because you are, well, quite good at it.” 

Jamie raised an eyebrow, amused by the observation. 

“Ok, don’t get cocky.” 

“I am not getting cocky, you were the one who said it.” Jamie said, smugly. 

“You are so full of yourself right now.” Dani looked at her and rolled her eyes concealing the amusement at Jamie’s sudden pride in herself. 

“Well…” Jamie hadn’t thought about that for a long time. “I don’t know, it was uncomplicated for me – the fact that I liked girls. But I guess it’s because I never really had to explain anything to anybody. As I became older, I realised it was something that had always been with me somehow.” 

“Were you scared the first time?” 

“A bit, but isn’t anyone?” 

“I don’t know. Was it awkward?” 

“Very” she said. “And short. And forgettable, had it not been the first time.” 

Jamie tried to recall it in her head, but she felt as if she was watching a blurry show on TV, something that had happened to someone else, a very long time ago. 

“It was with the girl who paid me to steal cars and help her sell the parts.” she remembered. “That’s why I ended up serving. That and well, just being an angry twat, vandalising shit and hanging out with the wrong kind of people.” 

“Was she at least good to you?” Dani worried. 

“She was.” Jamie had no idea where she was now. “Except for the bit where she was a thief and dragged me with her, she was good and tender and compassionate.” 

“Was she much older?” 

“It was the first time for the both of us. But she always kind of felt older than she was by then.”

Jamie caressed her cheek softly and kissed her on the lips. She took a sip of her beer and lit a cigarette for both.

“Were you scared?” she asked Dani this time.

“I was,” the other one said. “But good scare.” 

“You mean with me?” 

Jamie stopped eating and moved closer to Dani. 

“Well, you are the only woman I’ve ever been with.” 

Dani took the cigarette from Jamie’s fingers and took a puff. She grabbed her knees and replayed that night on her head. 

“And the other first time – were you scared too?” 

Dani tried to remember, but she felt that she had been somewhat droidy, like robotic, like doing the things as if there had been some guideline that she was supposed to follow. She barely had any recollection of it and her memories felt like something impersonal.

“Well, Eddie was sweet and understanding,” she recalled. “But I was so frightened. I guess it was then that I realized I was never going to want him that way.” 

Jamie held her hand. 

“I felt so guilty afterwards.” Dani remembered. “I didn’t know why exactly. So I tried another time. And then the same thing happened. And it was so frustrating, because he was good to me and I wanted to be good to him. But I couldn’t. I didn’t have it in me.”

Dani’s words didn’t contain sorrow but anger. She had felt like she was lacking, that she was missing something. And now, having lived through so much, having met the love of her life, having understood finally what sex was supposed to be like, _really_ supposed to be like, she was pissed that she had felt that way. 

“There was a point” she recalled “where I thought women weren’t supposed to enjoy sex at all. Isn’t it weird? The way we are supposed to know about something that people won’t talk about? That they want us to feel guilty or scared of? I mean, what is that about?”

Jamie shrugged. 

“I guess guilt has always worked as a perfect social tranquilizer.” she thought out loud. “Making us numb enough to fit into that stupid tradition of woman meets man, woman bares children, man brings home the bacon without questioning it at all.” 

“Like mixing up love and possession.” 

“Exactly” Jamie smiled, remembering the exact moment where Dani had first said those first words. 

“As if tradition reinforced that stupid misunderstanding.”

The tray was empty and the beers were also finished. The cigarette was almost over as well. And Whitesnake’s Is this Love had changed to another song that they didn’t know. Dani’s leg had involuntarily moved into Jamie’s and both of them were now sitting right next to one of the bow windows, looking down on the street and the emptiness of the city. Dani’s legs were still warm and Jamie scratched her lightly, while she continued to think about the things they had discussed in their conversation. 

“What could be done to change that?” Dani wondered. “Fucking revolution?” 

Jamie stared at her and tried to remember the last time she had felt this in love. 

“Well…” she took Dani’s empty bottle of beer from her hand and placed it on the floor. “It seems that what we do in here is pretty revolutionary, sadly. But also, it kinda makes me want to do it more.” 

Dani saw that little dangerous spark in her eyes. 

“Well, what, then? Fuck me and the system?” she joked, in that innocent tone of hers that would make Jamie tremble. 

  
  


She looked at Dani with a sweet smile that resembled the calm before the storm. She bit her lip, caressing Dani’s thighs up until she could touch her underwear, looking at her as if she was waiting for her approval to take it further, and noticing she had gotten wet at the move. Once more. Jamie tangled her legs around Dani’s waist and let her lift her butt just enough to remove her underwear. She kissed her swiftly, as Dani invited Jamie’s tongue to explore every inch of her mouth. Savoring each other in a sudden rush of fervid, Jamie slipped her forefinger inside of Dani, while drawing small circles on the clit and her sighs became heavier in her ear. They kissed once more, as the rhythm increased mercilessly and Dani started to lose herself into the whirlwind, without caring they were sitting on the bow window, on top of a two story floor, with their bodies reflecting the moonlight. The streets outside were dark and empty and tradition was sleeping at their house while they rejoiced in their passion, their need to touch each other in their own personal uprising. Jame slid her other hand beneath her girlfriend’s shirt, which was actually one of hers, and she felt the skin on her back, sweaty, and then her boobs, stroking her nipples and drawing curls on them as they hardened. Dani made that noise, the moan that could only forecast the climax. She grabbed Jamie’s shoulder as the other one continued to please her in the unique way she knew and came on her hands, like she had done every time for the past year, the moment she felt how the universe became tiny between them. Jamie pressed down on her, trying to prolong the orgasm as much as she could. Dani arched and gasped and stiffened until the spasms dissolved and she delved into Jamie’s lips. 

“Kiss me.” Jamie asked her into her lips and Dani didn’t pull back. 

After a while, they separated, and looked at each other as if they had just discovered a new continent. But the flavor of conquest had worn them out, tired them, and exhaustion was creeping in like the sunlight. They looked at each other and yawned, only to laugh later again. 

“It’s morning.” Dani said, looking at the sky turning pink. “Or it will be soon.” 

“We should go to bed.” Jamie stood up and grabbed Dani by the hand. 

On their way to the bedroom, Jamie saw the fallen painting on the floor. 

“Oh, bollocks” she whispered. “I’ll get that in the morning.” 

“And the tap.” Dani reminded her, giving her one of her looks. 

“And the tap, yes” she promised. “I’ll get both things in the morning.”


	6. The one with Pride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for supporting the story. As of today, 00.09 Argentina time (where i'm at), this is the most read fic of Dani Clayton/Jamie on ao3 and I can't believe this. Thank you thank thank you. This chapter was particularly hard to write as I tried to explore a side of them that is nowhere to be seen on the series, so let me know what you think. Be honest! Your comments are always always helpful. Thank you again for supporting the story :)

The sound of the drill against the wall for the third hour in a row was numbing Jamie’s senses. She had been going up and down from her apartment to the shop to see how the renovation was going. The routine would be the same: she’d step into the shop, ask Kate how they were going, get terribly nervous about seeing the mess and would go back up to talk to Dani about what she had seen. 

It was Saturday and both of them had been doing extra hours at work to make more money. They had agreed they would wait a bit on the dancing waters for the back garden, but the window in the back couldn’t be postponed. Dani had started taking more hours at the Community Center’s Summer School and even though they weren’t paying her enough for all the work that she was doing, Jamie had seen her ecstatic about the job. They were preparing a small play for the end of the summer and Dani had made Jamie practice her lines with her. Everynight, they would take turns to cook while Dani memorised the script she had adapted for the children. 

The last time Jamie went down to the shop that Saturday, the people working were putting in place the window pane in the back. 

“Thoughts so far?” Kate asked, as she approached Jamie and saw the look on her face. 

“It looks great.” Jamie said, without taking her eyes off of the two men who were putting the glass in place. 

A tone of anxiety drifted in, but Kate didn’t notice. It was subtle. Only someone who knew her well enough would see her nervousness. 

“We were quick this week,” Kate observed. “The weather helped.” 

Jamie heard the ringing of the bell at the door. 

“Hi” Dani walked in with a jar of iced tea and a pile of red cups. “Am I late to bring something to drink?” 

“No, actually perfect timing” Jamie replied and helped her put the jar on the counter. 

“Thanks, baby.” 

“You okay?.” Dani asked and took her by the hand. “Don’t be nervous. It’ll be okay, don’t worry. This already looks great.”

Jamie sighed in relief, trying to take the weight off of her shoulders by finally admitting out loud that she was indeed freaking out about all the changes and the new things that were coming their way. She kissed Dani on the cheek and put her hand around her waist, thanking her with just one glance. At first, Dani was a bit surprised at Jamie’s subtle display of affection in front of the architect. Kate looked at them trying to hide her embarrassment. Or was it surprise? None of them could tell. 

“This is really good, thank you.” Kate whispered while she took a long sip of the iced tea.

“I would’ve offered you coffee but I’m really bad at making it.” 

“Oh, don’t worry, this weather is perfect for iced tea and lemon.” 

The three of them went into an awkward silence in which you could only hear the people working in the back of the shop. 

“I didn’t know you guys were…” Kate began. “I mean, I wouldn’t have… I’d never…” 

She frowned in confusion as words failed to get out of her mouth. 

“You make a lovely couple.” she finished.

“Thank you.” Jamie whispered as she covertly slipped her hand behind Dani and squeezed her butt in the perfect angle where no one would see. 

Dani felt a sudden electric current coming from behind right to the lower part of her belly. 

“We are close to finishing up for today.” Kate announced. “Do you wanna take a look at the back before we leave?”

“You go, baby” Dani told Jamie. “I gotta get back to my papel mache souvenirs for the 4th of July. Nice to see you, Kate.”

She said goodbye with a smile and left the flower shop. She went up the stairs thinking about Jamie’s sudden peck on her cheek and the way she touched her waist and her back in front of the other woman. She didn’t remember her doing that in front of people they barely knew, but she liked how it felt. 

A few minutes later, Jamie walked in the apartment and let herself fall on the couch. She was exhausted. Dani walked towards her and touched her forehead gently. The other one closed her eyes and let her girlfriend cuddle her, inviting her to join her between the cushions. Another busy day had gone by. 

“You have to choose.” Dani started. “You can help me with the souvenirs or you can make dinner.”

Jamie weighed her options. 

“I’m terrible at both.” she mumbled. “But I can put something in the oven while I help you?” 

Dani accepted with a smile and kissed her softly on the lips as a sign of accepting the offer. However, after running around all day, keeping up with their responsibilities, both of them needed to feel the proximity of the other. They stayed quiet on the couch, letting their legs rest entangled on each other. Dani fell asleep for a few minutes, feeling the load of her day over her eyelids, but she woke up after noticing Jamie’s eyes piercing her face. 

“What?” she asked with a sleepy voice. 

She tightened her arms around Jamie who was looking at her from below, having her head resting on Dani’s chest. 

“Kate invited us to some thing at the Pride Center on South street tomorrow.” Jamie commented.

“What kind of thing?” Dani frowned with confusion.

“They are planning the Center’s participation in the Burlington Pride parade next week.” 

“Oh.”

None of them had ever talked about the possibility of going to Pride that year. They hadn’t even remembered. But that was the first time they were in the city for the occasion. None of them hadn’t realised that it was already early June and the celebration was coming up. Jamie had never really engaged that much and Dani was new to the whole thing. But the idea attracted them – the thought of celebrating who they were. In the end, in a world like this, where queer women are educated to be submissive and embarrassed by who they love, being their most authentic self was a celebration of pride on itself. 

“What are you thinking?” Jamie asked, curious. 

“I mean” Dani began. “I really like the idea. But do you?” 

Jamie was the one who had always been more private about this. Not that she ever actively had to come out to anyone, but she didn’t really put anything up for discussion. When she started working at Bly, Hannah and Owen had never asked anything overtly. Owen and Jamie joked about it and even dished if they saw a girl they considered pretty. Jamie always played the clown, making Owen uncomfortable and laughing at him. He, instead, would blush and give her looks. When Dani started working, and Jamie lost her head the moment she saw her, Owen was the first one to suffer the consequences, by having to answer if she thought Dani was pretty. Hannah, on the other hand, was much wiser than both of them, and really figured what her deal was. Far from being judgemental, she gallantly gave Jamie the space she needed. After all, there wasn’t much to see: just two people loving each other. 

“I think it could be fun.” she said, smiling. “And I reckon I’d love to see you strutting your ass to Madonna, to be honest.” 

Dani laughed. 

“You mean like this?” 

She stood up and turned round, only to lift her shirt after and move her butt from side to side, as if a song was playing.

“Show-off” Jamie complained. “That’s what you are.” 

“But seriously” Dani continued, as she started painting a paper mache doll that looked a lot like George Washington. “You wanna go? I mean, I only wanna go if you do.”

Dani knew that Jamie used humor and sarcasm as a defense mechanism, in the name of keeping her feelings for herself. Sometimes, it would be hard to get words out of her, let alone talk about things that she had protected all of her life. But little by little, she started to let go of that shield and showed herself to Dani. She had started that night, the night they slept together for the first time, sharing her earliest memories of disappointment and infant guilt. As weeks went by and they had decided that their lives had been created to be together, Jamie had let most of her armour down. Dani knew there were still places within her she was yet to discover, but she preferred Jamie invited her by the hand, let her in the dark rooms of her mind and heart, welcome her into her own personal jungle of secrets. One memory at a time. 

***

That night, they slept with their hands intertwined and their bodies facing each other. Their recently found courage had always been there, but they never actually called it that way. To be fair, courageous people are often very much aware of their courage. But truly courageous women have no choice but to be so. And for that reason, they can’t see their own bravery up until the moment they stop and take a look around. 

Morning came just like night had gone, silent and stubbornly, without asking for permission. They woke up at the same time, like most Sundays, when one of the two started to revolve between the sheets. They got up together and even Dani stepped in the shower in the middle of Jamie putting on her shampoo, only because she felt she had not had enough of her the night before. They had fallen asleep with the TV on, not caring it was Saturday, and so when she woke up, she realised she needed to get a taste of her. They got out of the shower one after the other, and Jamie served breakfast for both. She cursed the stove when she took the scrambled eggs from the fire, and a tiny drop of oil fell on her, as her belly was bare and she was wearing only a bra, while Dani sewed a loose button on her favourite shirt. They ate in silence, while they listened to the morning news on the radio and the weather but shut it down the moment they realised they were running late. In a hurry, they put the dirty dishes in the sink and left the house. Almost ten am and the people in the streets were walking quickly already, with a pace too fast for a Sunday. As they made their waves to State street where the Pride Center of Montpellier was, they walked past the families walking to mass and the early workers who couldn’t afford to get a free Sunday. 

The center was located in a pretty centric area. It was a small red brick place, hidden behind a glass door which held a pride flag on the outside and a one-pane window that had graffiti drawings on and very sarcastic comments aimed at the President. The door was open and they walked in, one after the other, trying to see Kate among strangers. People were chatting in the room with low ambient music and no particular order, ignoring them blatantly, as they made their way into the room and just looked around kind of confused. People of all ages, most of them seemingly already acquainted with each other, drank blueberry juice and apple juice and ate cookies off a tray. Some drank coffee and chose fruit from a table. All of them in their element, familiar with the place and everybody, except the two of them, who knew no one.

“You came!” a familiar voice uttered behind them. “Welcome.” 

Both Jamie and Dani turned around, interrupted in their observation of everybody else and saw Kate welcoming them with a big smile. 

“Let me introduce you to our President.” 

Without asking much, she called a tall and bald guy who came rushing with nervous walking and happy eyes. 

“Zane, these are Jamie and Dani.” Kate introduced them. “They just moved in from England.” 

“Oh, hi!” the guy said, stretching their hands. “I’m Zane. Welcome to Pride Center.” 

He seemed kind and warm. 

“Are you marching with us in Burlington next weekend?” 

“We might be, yeah” Dani said, excited. 

“Well, join in, we are finishing up the details of our group.” he invited them with a wave of her hand. “What brought you to Vermont?” 

“Maple trees and the weather,” Jamie and Dani said at unison. 

They both looked at each other and smirked. It was a made-up answer they had come up with when they first got to America, in order to avoid people asking them further. They didn’t have a proper answer to be shared back then. It would’ve scared the shit out of people to say they were running away from a haunted house. 

“We do get that a lot.” Kate commented, enjoying the answer. 

“Vermont is also one of the most gay-friendly states in the US, at least not including the coasts.” Zane took pride in his home state. 

“That’s definitely more than what the Midlands can say.” Jamie joked. 

“Or the world, maybe” Zane laughed. “Anyways, we are on our way to change that. One parade at a time.” 

He winked at Jamie and Dani and got back to setting up the microphone. 

“He’s nice.” Dani commented to Kate. 

“Yeah, he takes his job very seriously.” the other one replied, looking at Zane from afar. “He secured a lot of funding for our AIDS relief fund. He truly is a rockstar.” 

“Uh, people, we are about to begin.” Zane’s voice rebounded on the walls.

The attendees, who had previously been talking in small groups, gathered around a small stage placed at the center of the room. 

“Welcome everybody to our final meet-up before the big day next Saturday!” 

There was a mild cheer among the people surrounding the stage. 

“It’s a great pleasure for me to see you all again” Zane continued, using a much happier and ecstatic voice than the one that Dani and Jamie had heard originally. “Before we go on, I’d like to welcome new members to the Pride Center family.” 

Dani’s heart jumped and Jamie laughed at her body expression. All the eyes turned to them, hiding the subtle curiosity of childish eyes that see a shiny new toy. 

“Jamie and Dani…” Zane continued. 

“... Clayton” Dani answered. “Well, Jamie Taylor and Dani Clayton.” 

She said this, as she pointed at Jamie and at herself after each last name. 

“Would you like to say something to the rest of the group?” Zane asked. 

Jamie looked at Dani and Dani back to her.

“Uhm…” Dani doubted, but Jamie gave her a little push so she stepped forward. She knew Dani was much better than her with words. 

“Well, hi” Dani continued. “I’m Danielle Clayton, I’m from Iowa. I’m a teacher, currently teaching at the Susan B. Anthony Community Center. This is my girlfriend, Jamie Taylor. We moved from England about a year ago or so and we are very excited to be here.”

Dani’s voice was sweet and the lack of trembling in it compensated for the fact that her palms were actually sweating. Everybody gave a round of applause. 

“And now Jamie will say something.” Dani snapped, taking Jamie’s arm and bringing her forward.

Jamie gave her a deadly look. 

“Oy, er, hello” she said nervously. “I’m Jamie, brit living in America. I run a flower shop with Dani and I don’t like speaking in public. So don’t make me.”

The people laughed at her remark, though Dani knew she was being serious. 

“Great, welcome both.” Zane continued, as Jamie shrugged towards Dani and the latter was the one who was returning the deadly look now. “Well, most of the issues we have to go through today are purely organisational.” 

He went on to describe the arrangements for the parade, the flyers they were giving out to capture donors and the people who had volunteered to be designated drivers. Even Jamie offered her car to drive with Dani. The meeting became somewhat awkward when a few members of the group started questioning the need to have a celebratory parade amidst the HIV crisis and the current position from the American government that brutalised and discriminated against them. Zane kept criticism at bay by reminding them what the spirit of the center was about and emphasizing the need to celebrate that day. 

“It’s not a matter of fighting with anger, it’s a matter of fighting with dignity.” he had claimed. “They can’t take this day away from us.” 

Jamie and Dani heard patiently all the people who had things to say. There were a few parents of children who had been members of the Center and had passed and were marching with them, couples that had been together for over thirty years and still were the most excited about marching once more, young people like Jamie and Dani who were doing it for the first time as well. They paid attention to them all, holding hands and feeling they were living something that was new and empowering for both of them, that flooded them with the sensation of enthusiasm. They kept their hands tied after the meeting was over and Kate and Zane came over to thank them for attending. They also held hands on their way back home, which they hadn’t done on their way to the Center. And they stayed like that the rest of the day, overfilled with a sense of forthcoming, of the future together. Night came just like morning had gone by, silent and stubbornly, and they went to bed together. 

The week flew fast with more changes to the soon-to-be flower shop and more mache paper dolls for the 4th of July. Dani had accepted a new job, tutoring a young girl outside the city twice a week during the summer, to teach her French and Literature. She found herself thinking of Flora more often than she was used to, seeing the little girl’s resemblance with her new pupil, and felt like time had flown in the last year. Before they could realise, Pride Weekend was there and they were about to set off for Burlington with Kate and Zane in the back of their old Jeep. 

“Have you grabbed everything you need?” Dani asked Jamie, while she got the keys of the car and a jacket. 

“Yes, documents, water, keys…” she memorised, as she looked around searching for something. “But I am forgetting something. Hold on.” 

Jamie ran into their bedroom, while Dani waited ready at the door. 

“Jamie, we have to pick up Kate and Zane, come on” the latter reminded the other, moving one of her feet impatiently on the floor. 

“I know, I know” Jamie shouted from inside the bedroom. “But there’s something… I’d like to give you.”

She suddenly appeared walking slowly with a present – something that looked like a flower crown. 

“I made you this little present.” Jamie said, placing the crown on the kitchen counter. 

Dani walked towards it and held it in her hands. She could see pink Joe Pyes, groundnut vines, giant Heleniums, rudbeckias and early blooms of autumn joys. She smiled at the thought of Jamie curating her garden and singling out the flowers for her crown. 

“I love it” she said, walking towards Jamie and surrounding her with her arms, before kissing her firmly on the lips. “It’s so perfect and so beautiful and so thoughtful and…”

“So gay” Jamie joked, deepening the kiss and laughing. 

“So gay” Dani agreed, not separating from her and twisting her fingers in her little curls on the back of her head. “And I love it.” 

They hurried downstairs and jumped on the car afterwards, picking up Kate. On their way to take the freeway to the West, they picked up Zane and his partner, Bobby. The five of them hit the road a few minutes after nine thirty, like planned, and put in the mixtape Zane had prepared for the occasion. Jamie at the wheel, Dani shotgun, and the other three in the back, they faced their two hour drive to Burlington with optimism and excitement, matching the insanely gorgeous day that would accompany them in the festival. It was Zane’s eleventh pride festival and the fifth with Bobby. 

They chatted during the entire trip. The three in the back were interested in hearing Jamie and Dani’s story. Being Dani the best storyteller of the two, she told it from the beginning, softening the details of the paranormal, and was helped by Jamie’s sudden witty remarks when she thought Dani was telling the story wrong. They disagreed on who had made the first move. Dani claimed Jamie started hitting on her the day she called her Poppins for the first time and before Owen’s mom's funeral. Jamie disagreed – she was adamant about Dani hitting on her first when she took her by the hand. By the time they got to Burlington, they hadn’t settled in the dispute. 

They parked near the Hood Plant parking lot on King Street where a mass was gathering in front the first truck that would parade down Church Street. The Act Up Against AIDS group would be first, and right behind them, the Pride Centers of New England, where they were, were gathering round to march. The first protester, someone dressed up as a cheerleader with a huge megaphone, was rowding up the crowd. 

“We’re heading out in less than half an hour, so bedazzle yourselves appropriately!” 

Jamie and Dani lined up next to Zane and Bobby, who were greeting people they knew from other Pride Centers of the State. Kate was a little behind them, elbow to elbow with some of the other members of the group. Jamie looked at Dani in all her glory, her face glowing with joy, crowned in flowers mixed with her golden locks of hair. She smiled, her cheeks becoming blushier due to all of the glitter that some of the other marchers had poured on her untidily, and held her hand as she held high the sign she had made – “keep gay and carry on.” Dani was holding a sign Zane had given her – “Stop the AIDS crisis.” The music became louder, as flags unfolded around them, with pride quotes, colours shimmering but also raw messages. It was about to be the moment to march. 

“Tighten your wigs” the host said once more. “It’s gonna be one hell of a bumpy ride!” 

The first column of the march at the vanguard started going forward, as the sound of drums and the beat of marching foot became louder. The chants began. 

“ _ THEY SAY GET BACK. WE SAY FIGHT BACK! _

_ THEY SAY GET BACK. WE SAY FIGHT BACK! _

_ THEY SAY GET BACK. WE SAY FIGHT BACK!”  _

Dani could hear Jamie’s accent amidst all the American voices. Their shouts joined the rest of the crowd. 

“ _ HEALTH CARE IS A RIGHT! HEALTH CARE IS A RIGHT! ACT UP! _

_ HEALTH CARE IS A RIGHT! HEALTH CARE IS A RIGHT! ACT UP! _

_ HEALTH CARE IS A RIGHT! HEALTH CARE IS A RIGHT! ACT UP! _ ”

The caravan turned down on Cherry Street and Pearl Street after marching down for about four blocks. They reached Battery Park where the final part of the parade would be. The ACTS UP column was disseminating, giving out multicolor condoms and flyers. 

“Thank you very much” Jamie said to one of them, with her hands full of rubber prophylactics. “Thank you, thank you.” 

Dani just laughed at the whole situation. 

“Oh, we are going to need this too” Zane said, taking a few from her hand. 

His face was red and sweaty and his eyes full of tears. 

“This is when nostalgia kicks in” he said, his eyes becoming watery. 

Dani patted him on the back and held his hand. 

“Thank you for coming, ladies” he went on. “The Pride Center family welcomes you always.” 

Jamie and Dani followed him to the rest of the group. There were so many people around them that they had lost themselves in the crowd. 

“There’s a party next to the river,” Bobby told everybody. “I know some of you wanna hit the highway before it gets late, but there’s food, there are drinks, with and without alcohol, and there’s gonna be music.” 

Some of the members that had gone with them looked tired and were already longing to go back home, dreading the idea of driving during night time. A few others, especially the younger ones, decided to stay. Jamie didn’t need to ask Dani, she could already see that she wanted to join the party at least for a bit. A bunch of them, guided by Zane, walked towards Waterfront Park, where the party was at. The music was loud and the bar was open and a lot of people were already dancing, with their wigs, their signs, their costumes, their pride. 

“Being your first” Bobby told Jamie and Dani. “You have to do as I say: strut your ass.” 

He started to dance vigorously to the music, while Zane came with drinks. 

“No alcohol for me” Jamie said. “Designated driver.” 

“Responsible you!” 

“Dani, do you want some?” Bobby opened his palm and offered a blunt of weed, fine and brown. 

Dani doubted. 

“Come on, it’s medicine,” Zane encouraged her. 

“I’d rather not, thank you” she denied. “I’ll pass just to keep Jamie company for now.”

“Aw, cute” Kate said. “Wives taking care of each other.” 

She was clearly in the vibe already. 

“It’s Madonna, bitch!” 

A general uproar came from the dance floor as Holiday started to sound wildly. Sunset was falling over Burlington and the yellow lights of the riverside walk kept the dark at bay, lighting up the colours of the party that remained. 

“Dance with me” Jamie asked into Dani's ear, and brought her closer to her. “You promised.” 

Dani smiled as she kissed her in the neck, breathing in her sweat, her shampoo and her excitement. They moved among strangers, bouncing up and down to the music, with the careless spirit of the free. Their hair completely undone and their backs wet with sweat. Dani saw with the corner of her eye how Kate was also cutely dancing with a stranger and smiled when she remembered how weird things had been before between them. Life worked in mysterious ways. The music broke into a more peaceful Madonna tune, Borderline, which only made Dani and Jamie get closer. 

“I love you.” Dani whispered and kissed her gently. 

“Me too, Poppins.” 

The music felt like going up and up. They sang together and once more joined the other people roaring up:

“ _ Just try to understand _

_ understand _

_ I've given all I can _

_ 'Cause you got the best of me _

_ BORDERLINE! _ ”

They laughed out loud at themselves, knowing they had never done that before, knowing they looked adorably dorky and unpreoccupied. Zane and Bobby walked in, dancing and shaking their bodies in between them, making them laugh even harder. The night had fully lied upon them and the music was still going. After a few more songs, Jamie started feeling her calves and her feet due to all the jumping. Dani was also tired and made her signs to start planning their way back. They were tired and happy and were longing to lie in bed together and take in all they had seen and done that day. Bobby and Zane called them quitters as the night was still young. Kate had said she’d spend her night in Burlington and ditched all other four before she got lost in the crowd following her newly-found mysterious lover. 

Dani’s flower crown was intact and she kept her on all the way to their car and the drive back home. They drove home mostly in silence, memorizing their way, remembering everything they had lived that day. Still remembering the echo of the chants and the Madonna songs and the feeling of walking with so many people but feeling as one. They got home and barely could bring themselves up the stairs. 

Jamie exhaled as she closed the door behind her, longing for a peaceful smoke by their favorite window. She sat down, took out the tobacco from her pocket and saw Dani walking towards her with a naughty look. 

“Bobby gave me something,” she said and extended her hand, unfolding the gift.

A small plastic green bag and rolling paper appeared in her hand, as she grinned. 

“You feeling rowdy, huh, Poppins?” Jamie smiled. 

“A tiny bit.” Dani replied, doing a very bad impression of Jamie’s accent. 

“You really wanna smoke that?” the other one asked. 

“I’m curious.” 

“Aight” Jamie said, sitting down on her knees. “I guess you don’t know how to roll it, do you?”

Dani shook her head. 

“But you do.” 

Jamie sighed, just amused by the whole idea of Dani feeling curious. 

“I honestly can’t believe you’ve never smoked weed.” 

“Well, God didn’t like it” she excused herself. “And I thought I liked God when I was younger. But turns out he’s an asshole.” 

“He can be a bit of a twat, yeah.”

Jamie opened the rolling paper and put a line of green weed in it, before sticking out her tongue and licking it. She swiftly rolled it and placed it on Dani’s lips. 

“Aight, take it in” she said, as she lit it. “Smell the smoke.” 

Dani closed her eyes as she took a small puff at the blunt. 

“I don’t feel anything,” she said. 

Jamie laughed at her innocence. 

“It’s not gonna kick in now, baby.” she told her. “Let me.”

She removed the cigarette from her mouth and did the same. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, I’m smoking American weed” Jamie exhaled. “I am such a tourist right now.” 

“That’s what you are deep down.” 

“Well” she said. “Soon, I’ll be an American entrepreneur living the American Dream, baby. You better get ready for me.” 

Dani laughed, feeling her senses, her fingers, her legs, her shoulders, giving in. She took another smoke. 

“How many days do we have until we are two proper business women?” 

“Well, two weeks probably.” Jamie said. “And then, we are taking over.”

They both smiled with their teeth and their eyes. 

“How long has it been since you last did this?” 

“This?” Jamie questioned, putting the weed up in the air. “Not sure, more than a year and a half, probably.” 

“Teach me.” Dani said. “Teach me how to roll. And how to lick.” 

Jamie saw that tiny spark in Dani’s eyes, that spark that preceded danger. But she was in the mood for playing as well, so she sat on her extended legs, facing her, and grabbed some more marihuana and two more rolling papers. 

“You take it like this” she explained “and pour some weed in the middle.” 

Dani did as she said quite clumsily but managed to put a good amount on the paper. 

“Now, grab it like this so that it doesn’t fall.” she went on. “And lick it like this.” 

She took her tongue and moistened the paper, showing Dani how she had to do it. She kissed her afterwards, just wishing to do with her what she had done with the cigarette. 

“Don’t” Dani complained. “You are distracting me.”

Jamie chuckled with her nose. 

“Aight, now, pay attention, this is the hardest part” she said like a teacher, a bad one. “Roll it like this.”

She moved her fingers agilly but Dani failed to do so, making the weed fall from both sides.

“Wow, Poppins, for someone who has been doing paper mache Geroge Washingtons for a week, you are very bad with your hands.” 

Dani frowned. 

“Am I?” she retorted. “Really?”

“Well, the evidence backs me up here.” Jamie claimed. “But you are talking to an expert here. I mean, I am a florist after all.”

“Flowers and weed are not the same.” 

“The only difference between flower and weed” Jamie observed “is judgement.” 

Jamie lit the new blunt in front of Dani, knowing what she was doing. She looked insanely hot when she defied her like that. 

“We should call it that.” Dani said, in an Eureka moment. “The flower shop.”

“Weed?” 

“Leafling.” Dani answered. “The Leafling.” 

“The leafling” Jamie repeated, studying how it sounded in her lips. “The Leafling: brought to you by Jamie Taylor and Dani Clayton.” 

She threw the blunt away and hugged Dani in enthusiasm. She kept repeating “the leafling” in between kisses until the words lost meaning. Dani began to unbutton her favorite shirt. 

“The leafling, the leafling, the leafling, the leaf...kiss me. The leafling, the leafling, the leafling...”


	7. The one with the inauguration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took some time to write this one. Special thanks to irenita.

Dani got up with the sun and thanked God for the instant coffee maker. Otherwise, she would’ve gone straight back to bed. A table full of paper mache Founding Fathers lied before her. She contemplated the work she had done, proud of all the little heads painted grey. But she was nowhere to be done. Still, she needed to cut the flags, make the blue-red-white wreaths and finish her imitation of the Declaration of Independence. The kids were going to be ecstatic. Had it not been for her, it would’ve been another boring Fourth of July barbecue with the families. But this year, she was adamant about giving her summer school students reasons to celebrate their country – even though she knew it might seem that their country was failing them. 

She poured a second cup of coffee when she heard the shower and Jamie’s morning steps into the bathroom. A few minutes later, her girlfriend was kissing her hello, her breath tasting toothpaste mint. 

“Good day, sunshine.” Dani sang to her in a happy little voice. 

“Morning, baby.” Jamie greeted her, kissing her one more time. 

She walked towards the coffee pot. 

“Did you make this or is it…?”

“I didn’t make it.” 

“Good.” she said and she put some in a mug.

“At least, you could pretend that you like my coffee.” Dani complained, frowning. 

“I’m sorry, love” Jamie fired back and sat next to her. “I’m shite at lying. But I do love you, you know?”

“Right.” 

They drank their coffee in silence and ate up the french toast Dani made for both. 

“These are so good” Jamie gushed over the breakfast as a drip of honey slipped from her mouth. “What have I become, really?” 

Dani laughed at Jaimie’s vexed expression of pleasure, while she continued to finish the details of one the Jeffersons. 

“Are you not running late to meet Kate at the shop?” Dani asked, looking at the clock that hung from their kitchen wall. 

“Oh, fuck” Jamie said, jumping from her chair after taking a look at her wrist watch. 

She ran to the bedroom and opened the little box where they had part of their savings in cash. She counted it and took the rest of the money they owed her. Her stomach trembled as she saw how little there was left. She walked back to the kitchen once more and saw Dani with the scissors in her hands, cutting strings of red paper. Jamie stopped her running and walked towards her, only to grab her gently by both arms and kiss her on the lips without further notice. Dani laughed at the surprise, wondering what on earth was with her kissing her like that all of her sudden. She could feel Jamie’s sweet tongue trying to break into her mouth. 

“You are running late!” she warned her and pushed her away, though she didn’t want to. 

“I know” Jamie agreed while pursuing her lips once more. “But I don’t care.” 

“Come on” Dani insisted “You have to go.” 

She decisively separated and pushed her out reluctantly. Jamie pouted her lips, put her palms together as if she was begging. It didn’t work. Before long, she was going down the stairs, making her way to the flower shop. 

That past week had been so hectic they had barely been able to touch each other, not to even mention sex. But it was their last day before the opening and all things that could’ve gone wrong in the last minute, had effectively gone wrong. Providers who didn’t ship things on time, weather that didn’t let the fresh paint dry, catering companies that didn’t remember they were paying to include veggie options and that they did want the mimosas (duh!) for their opening brunch. Dani didn’t know what it felt to be a juggler up until the moment she had to organize The Leafling’s opening. Jamie was helpful but she was handling the last-minute things of the remodeling and all that entailed negotiating flowers delivery and shipping from every corner of the New England region. And she did not have patience. 

Dani could tell Jamie was nervous and growing more anxious with each day. Even her distraction in the kitchen had been greater those past days, if that was even possible. She noticed that she had been waking up in the middle of the night when she always slept through it and that her sleep was lighter, something quite unlike her, since the alarm clock could barely wake her up on normal days. 

But Dani was the kind of person who could listen, not just words but she could listen to bodies moving and faces changing, and she could tell Jamie was unsure. She hadn’t said anything specifically. And every time Dani tried to get her to talk, she would get out of any serious conversation, joking her way out instead of having to be openly vulnerable. Dani carried on, anyway, hugging her when she woke up in the night and helped her get back to sleep, keeping an eye on the food when she forgot something on the stove, putting her hand over Jamie’s knee when they were watching TV on bed and she’d start moving it anxiously. It was almost unconscious, so instinctive, the way she had learnt to see when Jamie needed her. And the fact that Jamie didn’t have to ask for it, it kept the healthy illusion in her head, that she didn’t have to show herself in need to be taken care of. 

***

Jamie walked into the flower shop and could already see the people moving inside. Kate and her father had been going in and out of the shop all week, trying to finish the work left. But the weather had been shitty. It had rained on and off in Montpelier that week and it took longer than expected for the paint to dry. The last electrical details outside were being taken care of now – something the rain had also made impossible up until then. Meanwhile, Jamie walked in to supervise everything, work on the flower arrangements she had placed and the way all the flowers would be distributed within the flower shop. There were a few shelves and boxes that were empty and seeing them there, with nothing inside, reminded Jamie that the provider hadn’t told her if they would arrive in time. 

“Morning! We are almost done.” Kate told her when she saw her walk in, before Jamie could say anything. 

“Have you installed the shelves in the back?” Jamie asked, trying to stretch her neck and see if the back of the shop was finished, as they had promised it would be. 

“Yeah, Lou is working on it.” Kate calmed her. “It’s all set. The counter is installed, the paint has dried. We only need to finish off the details of the electricity and we will be out of your way to start organizing the flowers.”

Jamie opened her eyes in confusion. 

“But the flowers are organized.” she said, worried. “What do you mean?”

“No, I just meant…”

“You mean they are not…?”

“No, no, they are perfect. It’s just that I saw…” 

“Do you think I should reorganize? Is it really bad?”

“No!” 

Jamie frowned, as she looked at the shelves that were already organized and the arrangement she was still to finish. 

  
“It will all be perfect.” Kate tried to assure her. “Seriously, you and Dani have worked so hard. It looks amazing, really.” 

Jamie tried to smile but all she could think of was the feeling of being tied up to something, to a place. That same feeling she had loathed most of her life. She pushed the thoughts away. 

“Thank you” she managed to say. 

She turned around towards the entrance and saw Dani, waving from the outside, trying to tell her she had a call in their apartment. Jamie hurried outside. 

“Remember to connect the phone as well!” she reminded Kate on her way out, while the other nodded as she saw Jamie disappear behind Dani. 

“What’s happening?” she asked, as they were going upstairs to their apartment. 

“The guy from Woodstock is on the phone.” Dani told her. “The provider.” 

They both entered the apartment and Jamie took the phone. 

“Hello?” she said. “Uhmm… yes, this is her. Have you been able to ship the order?” 

Dani saw Jamie’s face focused and how it went pale and then turned red in anger. 

“But I specifically told you to ship the order before tomorrow.” she reminded them.

The words were slow and the consonants were harder. Dani saw her girlfriend clench her teeth and press her lips together. 

“You have to give me a solution before tomorrow. You are obliged to. I paid for the order to be in Montpellier by today.” she insisted. “I can’t drive to Woodstock myself. I have an opening to organize and I don’t have a car. There must be something that you can do.” 

It was true. Dani was supposed to take all her 4th of July decorations to the Community Center that afternoon. It would be closed on Sunday and all the dolls and wreaths and flags were piling up in the apartment and they were short of space. 

Dani walked towards Jamie, putting her hands up, in a sign to calm her down. 

“I can take a taxi to the center with my things.” she said with her lips, exaggerating the moves of her mouth, so that her girlfriend could understand. “Take the car to Woodstock.” 

Jamie breathed with relief. 

“I can drive to Woodstock” she said into the phone, after letting the man on the other end talk and explain himself. “But I won’t be paying for the shipping, since you haven’t done it. And I expect some kind of refund for the inconvenience.” 

She let the provider go on and on on the phone until she finally said goodbye and hung up. 

“I owe you my life.” Jamie said, putting her arms around Dani. 

“You do.” Dani agreed, kissing her on her neck softly. “Now, take the car and go. You have two hours of driving ahead of you.”

Jamie agreed, not letting go of Dani’s body. 

“I’ll finish all the 4th of July stuff before you get there and then we can go downstairs together and organize the shop for tomorrow.” she continued, separating her face from Jamie’s neck and placing one of her curls behind her ear. “It will be perfect.” 

“I know.”

Dani could see Jamie’s nerves about to break. Her hands were fidgeting and his eyes were worried. 

“We have all the time we need,” Dani tried to calm her. “We have forever.” 

The words that were supposed to sooth her only made Jamie more uneasy. That feeling of stagnancy interrupted her mind once more. She tried to smile, but she knew that Dani could see right through her. She wondered if she was letting her down, but she tried not to think about her faults. Opening that door could only make things worse. She tried to bury the thoughts by kissing Dani. The touch of their lips took her mind somewhere else. The reality of her skin only made her think about what was tangible, what she could feel between her hands, as if Dani’s essence filled her up and there was nothing that could slip between her fingers. She tried to deepen the kiss, using her arms and her body to bring Dani closer. The other one agreed, carefully, by returning the kiss with tenderness, cupping Jamie’s face in her hands, and biting her lower lip. But before Jamie could notice, Dani was already pulling away. 

“You have to go,” she reminded her. “You still have to drive. And the sooner you leave, the sooner you’ll come back. We have time.” 

“I know,” Jamie said, trying to find the right words. “But I really need to feel you here.” 

Dani knew exactly what Jamie meant. The presence of each other, amidst all the unknown, had always been reassuring. 

“I am here.” she insisted. “And I am not going anywhere. This is going to be fine. We are going to be fine.” 

Jamie smiled, and looked down. She was a ball of anxiety hidden below a thick surface of playing it cool. The thought of running away where the only responsibility was surviving suddenly appeared. But then again, Dani’s face so close to her reminded her that was the last thing she would do. That’s why she needed to have her close. Jamie kissed her one more time, this time slowly, just a touch on the lips. A brief taste of the other. 

“Let me help you put your things in the box before I leave.” she offered. 

To make things worse, the house was also a mess. They didn’t have much more space to keep piling up 4th of July souvenirs. 

“No, don’t worry” Dani insisted. “You have to go.”

“You sure?” 

“Yeah.” 

Dani kissed her goodbye and Jamie grabbed the car keys. She ran downstairs and jumped on the car, only to drive down south to Woodstock. She stopped at a gas station and bought a sandwich in the middle of the way. The sun was full out that day, something that hadn't happened quite often in the last week. She could feel the temperature on her left arm, as she drove with the other one on the wheel and the free hand carelessly layed on the edge of the car window. The radio was on and the air drifting in the car messed up her hair. Almost no other vehicles on the freeway, and she pushed the engine a little further, racing down a bit only to feel the adrenaline of the speed. 

When Jamie started stealing motorbikes in London and Brighton to resell the parts, she always dreamed of getting one on her own. The girl that took her down that path was also a reseller, both being mere cogs in a much bigger criminal machine. It was not like she lasted that much. They got caught a little over a month after they started. Thank fuck, otherwise she would’ve ended up serving for more than what she did, losing the early years of her twenties locked up. When she remembered those days, those past lives, the one thing that kept her going was the longing for freedom. And that highway, that moment, seemed like a way to get there. 

The provider was located just outside of Woodstock. She had to circle round the city and drive for a little longer. The farm grew local wildflowers and Jamie had bought bluebells, trilliums, jack-in-the-pulpits and showy ladyslippers. But the owner, a young man with a red face and small eyes, apparently had oversold to one big client and had left poor Jamie and her small shop with no shipping. 

“Hello” she said, walking towards him, right outside his barn. “Jamie Taylor, from The Leafling, Montpellier.” 

“Oh, right, hello Ms. Taylor.” he greeted her. 

“Just call me Jamie. Is my order done?” 

“Yes” he said, guiding her inside the barn where a few others were working. “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. You see, we sell to the Farmer’s Market in Boston and other big cities in the East Coast and this week...”

“I can imagine.” she observed with a sarcastic tone. 

“These are yours.” The man pointed at eight boxes against one of the walls. 

“Aight” Jamie said as she put on her gloves and took out the wallet. “Can you tell me how much is minus the shipping and the discount I get for very very very bad service?” 

The man laughed nervously. 

“But the order is here,” he claimed. “No shipping costs but…”

“I’d say thirty percent is fine.” Jamie continued, as if she had not listened to his excuses. “That’s pretty much the amount of sleep I won’t do tonight, for coming down here, driving back, arranging the flowers and the shelves that I could be doing right now had everyone involved done their job properly…Yeah, thirty percent seems fine.” 

“Uhm… let me…” the provider mumbled. “The order is here, I mean. You did have to drive here, ma’am…”

“Jamie.”

“Jamie, you did have to drive, Jamie but…” he went on. “Your order is complete. I get that you paid for the gas and missed lunch and the opportunity cost…”

“Right!” Jamie exclaimed. “Gas and lunch, I had forgotten about that. Are you saying I should go for a thirty five percent discount then?” 

The man sighed, rolling his eyes. Jamie clearly had the upper hand. 

“Twenty percent, what about that?” 

“Thirty-five.”

“Twenty five?” 

“Thirty.” 

“Twenty-eight?” 

“Twenty eight percent discount and I get an extra box of bluebells.”

“Deal.” 

Jamie drove back home with the small thrill of a successful bargain. There was still a lot to do before dinner. The shelves had to be organized, she still had to set up the answering machine on the shop's phone and organize the office in the back, next to the garden. She arrived at Montpellier a little past four. Jamie unloaded the boxes from the car and went into the flower shop. She got down to business, arranging the last minute details that needed to be done for opening day. The workers and Kate had left. The shop was empty and as ready as it could be. After three hours of working with the new flowers, arranging the rest of them and getting a few stings on her forearms, she turned off the lights and went upstairs. 

The apartment was dark. Only a dim light came from the bedroom. She walked in and saw Dani, sitting on the bedroom floor, with a recap of SNL’s thirteenth season on. Jamie dived into bed, her face against the pillow. 

“Long drive?” Dani asked, without taking her eyes off of the Declaration of Independence she was forging on a giant cardboard. 

“Long drive, long day, long week.” Jamie complained. “Should we order chinese?”

“We really should try to save up.” the other one reminded her. 

“True.” she said, her voice muffled by the pillow. “Come here.” And slapped the mattress, letting her know that she wanted her to come to bed. 

Dani raised her eyes and smiled.

“You are really persistent, you know that?” 

“Come on” she dragged the N at the end, trying to show eagerness. 

“I really need to finish this.” Dani insisted “Fred and Ronnie are coming tomorrow for the grand opening and they told me that if I have the rest of the things ready, they can take them for me. And then, I can be done with freaking 4th of July and be of help to you at the shop.” 

“You lost me at Fred and Ronnie,” Jamie said, pretending to fall asleep.

“Don’t be a dick” Dani said, annoyed. 

Jamie jumped from the bed and sat behind her, putting her arms around her waist and kissing her neck. She blew Dani’s blonde hair out of her way, so that her lips could find and kiss the sensitive skin behind Dani’s ears. She knew she liked it. 

“I am… being… a dick” Jamie said, interrupting the talking with little bites. “Only cause I missed you this week. And… I want to…”

Dani’s mind began to wander, lost in Jamie’s smell, and the hands on her unfinished Declaration of Independence let go of the black marker she was using. 

“Jamie… I…”

“What?”

The other one continued to kiss her on the neck and on her jaw, moving her hands slowly up until she could touch her breasts. 

“I…fuck!” 

Dani jumped out when she saw the little jar of brown paint tipping over and staining the cardboard. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck” she repeated, as she grabbed a napkin and tried to extract the paint. 

But it was ruined. She had to start over. Now, instead of saying “We, the People” it said “We, the P op e.”

“I’m sorry.” Jamie said, embarrassed, helping her clean up the mess. “I’m sorry.” 

“What’s gotten into you today?” 

Dani lifted her eyes from the cardboard, only to find Jamie looking down on her knees, troubled and embarrassed. 

“I’ll help you make another one.” Jamie offered. 

“You clearly need to get some rest.” 

“I don’t.”

“Then, why are you being like this?” 

“Like what?” 

“All over me.”

“Well, I’m sorry for feeling like having sex with my girlfriend.” 

“Don’t be such a dude.” 

“What?”

“This is not like you! Like, at all.” 

“You didn’t need to say that.” 

“Then what’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“Are you nervous?”

“No.”

Lie. 

“Are you afraid of something?” 

“No.”

Lie, again. 

“Are you having second thoughts?” 

“For fuck’s sake, Dani, no, I’m fine.”

There was a silence in the bedroom. Dani took a deep breath. 

“Clearly, something’s up. I can tell.” she said, piercing Jamie with one of her looks. “And it’s fine if you don’t wanna tell me. There’s not much else I can do. I’ve pretty much done everything I could to help. But you are being irrational. And a bit of an asshole. Just so you know.”

Jamie’s chest started to hurt and the back of her throat stung. As if something was growing inside of it, something she couldn’t get out that easily. 

“I…” she tried to say with a thread of voice. “I know. It’s not that.” 

“Then what?”

Jamie didn’t answer. She felt she’d fail her if she did. 

“I’ll finish this in the kitchen.” Dani announced, getting up and taking her things. “You better sleep.” 

She took her pencil case and turned off the light as she left, only to leave Jamie alone in their bedroom. 

***

Jamie didn’t sleep well that night. She woke up several times, finding Dani’s arms around her in spite of the little scene she had pulled earlier. The morning after, she got up before the alarm could go off. She carefully left the bedroom and cleaned the kitchen, after Dani had left her stuff on the counter. She also made breakfast. English tea, toast, eggs and fried tomato. She waited for Dani to wake up. She was embarrassed after the previous night, behaving like a child, using sex as an excuse to push away her second thoughts. When Dani appeared in the kitchen, with her sleepy face and her pyjamas, she felt the physical need to hug her. Not in a sexual way, but to show her how much she appreciated her. She slowly walked towards her and she did, kissing her gently on her hair and cupping her face in her hands. 

“I’m sorry” she apologised. “I made you breakfast. That’s how sorry I am.” 

Dani pretended to look suspicious. 

“Is that very very very sorry?” 

Jamie nodded and Dani smiled, kissing her good morning. 

“You better not try anything now.” she joked. “I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.” 

Both of them sat and ate together, going over the list of things they were yet to finish before people started to show up in a few hours. They washed the dishes, now in silence, as the sun drifted in the room and reminded them they had to hurry. 

“I’m going downstairs to receive the catering company,” Dani shouted from the bathroom. 

She came into the bedroom only to find Jamie half dressed in front of the mirror. 

“Oh, wow” Jamie whistled. “You look beautiful. And very professional.” 

“Well, I’m the boss’s girlfriend.” she winked. “Do you like this? Isn’t it too much?”

Dani was wearing a two piece: a grey blazer with golden buttons matching a grey short skirt. She had done her hair like she liked it, fierce, big and beautiful. Her blonde waves framed her face, coloured only a bit with day makeup. 

“You are too much,” Jamie said. “For me, for this world.”

She walked towards her and kissed her. 

“I love you, baby.” 

“What are you wearing?” 

“This, I think.” 

Jamie pointed at her pants, oversized brown trousers with a big belt. On top, a white short-sleeved shirt, with pockets and big earrings. 

“I think that’s great.” Dani said, as she helped her tie the buttons. 

“Aight, Poppins,” Jamie responded, as she looked at herself in the mirror and put on some mascara. “Let’s do this.” 

***

The food was delicious, but Dani could barely get a bite. Everyone they had invited had shown up. Bobby and Zane, splendid as usual, Kate, his father and one of the workers, Mr. Ferrari and his wife, other people from Pride Center, Fred and Ronnie, the director and her husband from the Susan B. Anthony Community Center and some other gardening clients. 

Jamie was nervous and Dani could tell. She would rub her hands against her pants from time to time, look down when other people complimented the place and laugh nervously in a way she only did sometimes when she wasn’t quite sure what to say. Her voice was smoother than usual, asi if she was trying to talk softly on purpose, so as not to be heard. 

“Congratulations, you two.” Zane said, smiling at them. “And congratulations to you too, Katie, it looks amazing.” 

“Thank you, Z.” Kate thanked him, as she drank her third mimosa. “The food is great, Dani.” 

“Oh, thanks,” Dani said. “Two moms from the Community Center started a catering service. Wait, let me get you their card. This is their first major event.” 

Dani walked towards the shop counter where she had left her bag. But before she could get there, Fred and Ronnie got in her way. 

“So, Danielle” Ronnie began. “Where is your famous Jamie?” 

Ronnie was a kind and generous woman. She was chubby and ginger and always wore multicoloured bead necklaces. Dani sometimes wondered what kind of hippies she and her husband might have been in the past. Fred and Ronnie didn’t have children and often treated her as one. They had met right after Jamie and Dani had arrived at Vermont. They had attended this play at the Center which was two blocks away from them and Dani started volunteering just to get her mind busy. She eventually was hired as permanent staff, given her devotion to the children who attended afternoon classes and extra lessons there. 

“She must be running around with all the other guests” Dani said, as she grabbed her purse and looked for a card. “Thank you for coming. This means a lot.” 

“Oh, sure, Danielle” Ronnie said in her sweet high-pitched voice. “Anything for you dear, after all you’ve helped as at the Center.” 

“These bluebells look wonderful.” Fred added, looking at one of the boxes on display. “Do you think we can buy some? I haven’t seen them in years. Temperature in Vermont has gotten too cold in the summer for them to grow anymore.”

“Of course” Dani accepted, raising her eyes and trying to find Jamie among the people in the room. “Let me get Jamie so you can meet her and she’ll prepare a bouquet for you.”

Dani walked back to Zane, Bobby and Kate, trying to find Jamie with her eyes. But she was nowhere to be seen. 

“Have you seen Jamie?” 

All three of them shook their heads. Dani walked past them towards the other people from Pride Center, but none of them had seen her either. She asked Mr. Ferrari and his wife. 

“I might have seen her going outside with her cigarettes” Mr. Ferrari said, pointing at the exit door. 

“Thank you.” 

Dani walked outside and looked towards one side of the street and then the other. She was beginning to feel her blood boiling. Why on Earth would she do this? Dani grabbed her apartment keys and opened the door that led to their house. But a tiny figure made her trip. Jamie was sitting on the first step, her eyes fixated on the door, completely pale. 

“What the…?” Dani was furious, but the angry words died as soon as they left her mouth. “Jamie…” 

She sat right next to her. 

“What’s happening?” 

“I… I am fine.” Jamie answered, when she came out of trance and realised Dani was there. “Really, it’s nothing.” 

“Don’t bullshit me anymore.” Dani uttered. “I know something’s happening. You have to trust me. What is it that is so unspeakable?” 

“I am afraid I might…” words began failing Jamie again. “I am afraid I might let you down if I tell you how I feel.” 

“That wouldn’t happen in a million years.” Dani assured her. “You have to be honest with me. Always.” 

“I am scared that...” Jamie began “that this is a dead end for us. That… that we are gonna settle down with the flower shop and what if I don’t like it? What if it traps us? What if you don’t like it? What if it’s a buzzkill for us?” 

Dani didn’t say anything. 

“See” Jamie sighed, hiding her face behind her hands. “I knew I should’ve kept this for myself.” 

“No” Dani claimed. “You have to tell me these things.” 

“Do you hate me?” 

“Honey, I know this is scary. And I know that…” Dani exhaled, trying to find the right words in her head. “I know that you are adventurous, and bold, and brave, and a dreamer and a freaking nomad. I would worry if you didn't have those fears. But that’s why I choose you. Now and every other day.”

“What if we get tired of our routine?” 

“We’ll make ourselves a new one. We’ll have so many adventures together. That’s what you live for. And I love you for that.” 

“I don’t want to let you down. I want to make you happy.” 

Dani hugged Jamie and stroked her hair, trying to calm her. They stayed in silence for a while. 

“All you have to do is tell me.” Dani asked her. “If you feel insecure, or unsure, you have to talk to me.” 

“I will”

“Promise?”

She stretched her pinky and Jamie did the same. 

“Promise.” 

Jamie kissed Dani’s hand and looked at her with relief. 

“Now, get up, you have to give a speech”

“What? No! No fucking way.” 

“You do,” Dani insisted. “Everyone wants to hear you.” 

Dani stood up and helped Jamie do the same. 

“But I am the worst at talking.” 

“You are much better than you think.” 

Dani put her hands around Jamie’s neck. 

“I promise that if you do, there might be something in store for you tonight.” she warned her, with that little playful look in her eyes. 

Jamie giggled, surrounding Dani’s waist. 

“Oh, really?” she asked. “I didn’t know you could be this persuasive.” 

Dani kissed her very smoothly, just a lip rub, a balm for Jamie’s insecurities. 

“I thought I had to beg.” 

“Well” Dani replied. “I have to confess, I would like to see you on your knees.” 

Jamie’s stomach shrunk and her underbelly began to tickle. 

“Fuck.” she whispered, without even noticing. “I might know a trick or two to make you scream my name.”

Jamie’s lips were so close to Dani’s she barely could keep her face straight and not go right into them. 

“Like what?” 

Jamie kissed her softly on her cleavage, right in between the folds of her blazer, and bit the edge of her white tee. 

“Like fucking you enough to erase the limit between your body and mine.” 

Dani swallowed at Jamie’s stoic face. 

“Is that it?”

“You tell me what you want, Poppins, you tell me what you want and I will obey.” 

Jamie could tell there was something building up in Dani’s mind and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for the answer. 

“I want you to eat me up so roughly that I forget my name.” 

Dani let that sink in, and Jamie felt as if the world was expanding in her body, a million colours exploding, burning her alive inside. She tried to say something, but she forgot herself, and how to speak. How to breath even. 

“Right.” Jamie said, dragging the words. “Let’s do the little speech thing and kick them out of our flower shop.” 

***

“Er, oy, hey” Jamie said, trying to clear her throat. 

She was standing right next to the kitchen counter, on the first step of a tiny folding ladder. The people were holding their mimosas up, waiting for her to speak. Dani was standing on the first row, right next to Zane and Bobby, probably looking as nervous as her. 

“I am not very good with words.” Jamie began. “So I’ll make this one short. I am so thankful that you are here that I agreed to do this little speech. I know it won’t be memorable. And I know I don’t have anything worthwhile to say. You can keep drinking our alcohol, anyway.”

Jamie smiled at Dani, biting her lip. God, please let this be over soon. 

Think Jamie, say something dorky and cute and start drinking. Maybe you should’ve started doing that in the first place. 

“In any case, I’ll just say this: thank you for welcoming us into Vermont.” Jamie finally said. “Thank you for coming tonight. Thank you for supporting local businesses.Thank you for all your love. And thank you, Dani, for putting up with this lil cranky brat. You are the leaf to my tree, the breath to my life.” 

Dani hid an unsolicited tear that began coming down her cheek and smiled, as Jamie stepped down from the little ladder and walked towards her. They hugged, as they felt the pats on the back from everyone around them. They had made it. After a year and everything that happened in it, the future was not a promise anymore. The Leafling was open. 

*** 

“Cheers, Poppins.” Jamie said, as she extended her arm and the bottle of beer in her left hand. 

They were sitting in the back garden, in between boxes of flowers and little trees that they were yet to find a place inside of the shop. The night had fallen on Montpellier and all the guests had left a few minutes ago. Jamie moved to her right, making room for Dani to sit next to her. They rested her heads against the wall, sitting on a picnic blanket Jamie had brought with her. 

“We’ve come a long way, haven’t we?” Dani said, looking at the first couple of stars in the sky. 

“We have.” 

They basked in the silence of the night, drinking the beer hand in hand. 

“I brought you a gift.” Dani said, and she pulled something that was hiding in one the giants blazer pockets. “It’s nothing, really. But you might like it. Close your eyes.”

Jamie did so and extended her hand. When she felt something on them, she opened her eyes to find a hand-made sign with a piece of blackboard on it.

“What…?”

“It’s a sign for the door.” Dani explained. “I bought some weeks ago in the artisan’s market. You have to write on it.”

She put a white chalk in her hand and Jamie wrote “OPEN.” 

“We’ll hang it in the morning.” she said, and smiled. 

She caressed her cheek and kissed her. Dani’s lips tasted like hereafter. It was a sweet kiss, tender, full of promise. Something they had been longing to do for quite some time. To kiss, without thinking of the stuff they were not getting done or how long it could last before someone would need to break away to take care of something else. This time, the kiss was endless, or it felt like it, cause they could decide, if they wanted to, to make it last forever. 

“Come here.” Jamie invited Dani to sit on her legs and face her directly. 

Their lips met again but this time deep, with tongues involved, biting and savoring every inch in their mouths. Dani interposed a finger between them. 

“You promised…” Jamie began. 

But Dani used that same finger and placed it on Jamie’s lips, in an effort to shut her up. She slowly grabbed Jamie by the collar of her shirt and pulled her down, as she too lied on the blanket beneath the starry sky. The humidity and the heat of the night wrapped them in a dance of falling clothes and sweaty skin crashing against each other. They never stopped the kissing, for they knew the passion wouldn’t die down, but exhaustion might start kicking in. Jamie’s curls tied in a little bun started to get messier after Dani’s desperate touch and they fell on her face, making the night darker. Clothes off lying around on the floor of the back garden, some pieces hanging from the boxes and the trees, they had nothing left on but their underwear. 

Jamie kissed Dani’s neck, cleavage, breasts. She bit every piece she could find, while the other one grabbed her hair and the back of her head. Dani’s words from earlier echoing in her head pushed her lower and lower until she could reach her underwear and get rid of it as well. 

“Open me up like one of your flowers.” Dani sighed. 

Jamie did as asked. She kissed and sucked, first slow, then harder, until she could feel her lips sore and Dani begging for more. Her spasms became longer and she grabbed Jamie’s hair tighter, as she went in deeper, feeling close to implosion. She moaned and sighed and nodded and asked for more and for harder and for everything Jamie was willing to give her. She wanted it all. 

A lightening of pleasure burst out inside, reaching every corner in her body, when Jamie licked her wildly one last time. She felt the last breath leave her body, as if anything else ceased to exist afterwards. 

Jamie smiled as Dani felt how she let herself lie on her, between her legs, her chest going up and down. She looked up to find Dani’s eyes looking at her from above. The other one crawled up to her, smiled and kissed her one last time, before helping her up. They got dressed. 

“Have you seen my bra?” Dani asked. “I’m pretty sure you took it and threw it somewhere.”

“Uhm… Here.”

Jamie walked towards one of the trees and took the bra that had landed on its leaves. 

“Sorry.” 

They both laughed. They made their way into the dark shop. Dani opened the door and stepped outside.

“Got the keys?” 

Jamie lifted her fist with them in it up in the air. 

“Yeah.” she said. “It’s closing time.”


	8. The one where Jamie gets tomato sauce on her shirt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, I've been caught up on a certain thing that happened on Tuesday and lasted until Friday night ;) Anyways, thank you all for all the great things you say. I am so humbled and feel insanely lucky that you enjoy reading this. I never thought anyone would ever read it! So please, keep up the feedback and suggestions. And the comments! I love talking to you. Also, you are my support group to recover from Bly. I haven't yet. 
> 
> This one is a bit silly. Enjoy!

Jamie closed her eyes, one more time, trying to shut everything else out, while Dani kept ranting. 

“You think that I can’t tell?” Dani went on. “That we don’t do the shit we used to do anymore?” 

Jamie zoomed out of her head, trying to become present in the moment, in their apartment, where her girlfriend was and had been all week complaining about things. Earlier that week, they had argued about chores. Then about Jamie forgetting Dani’s first parents and teachers meeting at her new job at Union Elementary School. The night before, Dani had pointed out the obvious: that they hadn’t had sex in a month. After being silent in bed for a while and having turned off the TV, they had kissed and touched each other, in an attempt to finally get down to it. But they parted halfway, realizing neither of them felt like it, as if somehow it was routine. Dani had tried to talk about it, Jamie didn’t want to. Again, they went back to that loud silence – the kind that pierces your ears and aches in the gut. 

And now, only half an hour before they were supposed to leave for Bobby and Zane’s dinner, Dani had broken in all her fury after Jamie told her that she didn’t want to go. That she didn’t feel like pretending in front of their friends that they were okay, because they were not. She didn’t feel like lying. Because there was something they felt was loose, or twisted, or about to be broken. But they even couldn’t see clearly what it was. And of course, you can’t fix what you can’t see. 

“Dani” Jamie tried to say calmly. “Just stop yelling, aight? Tell them I’m sick. That I got something contagious. Or just don’t tell them I didn’t want to go. I don’t care.”

This last sentence made Dani feel angrier. 

“I’m not telling them anything because you are coming with me.” 

Jamie rolled her eyes. 

“You can’t tell me what to do.” 

Dani closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to brush away the cramps and the fact that her entire body felt heavy. She was in the last days of her period and her body had been worn out by biology and the exhaustion of her latest days. And, on top of that, now her girlfriend was behaving like a child. 

“I have enough with the kids from school, I don’t want to come home to a five-year-old.” she snapped, scratching her forehead with nervousness. 

“Good, then don’t come home.” 

The words left Jamie’s mouth without even thinking about what they actually meant. She just wanted to say something that would stop her from continuing the ranting. Though she didn’t want to give it more meaning than it actually had, she knew that saying those things would get on her nerves. She wasn’t proud of using that tactic. As soon as she pronounced them, she knew they had been wrong all along. Her facial expression changed suddenly, herself scared by her own saying. 

“Wow.” Dani whispered, refraining a tear. 

“I’m sorry” Jamie apologised, embarrassed. “I shouldn’t have said that.” 

They went both quiet. 

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have.” 

Silence, again. Loud silence. Their normal fights never included anything mean like that. Not even the ones they had had during that week. Something was going on. 

“Maybe we should stay and talk about this.” Dani suggested. “I mean, we are not at our best, I can tell.” 

“But you want to go to dinner.” 

“But you don’t, and I don’t want to go without you.” 

Jamie explored their possibilities in their head. 

“Maybe we should talk about this when we come back.” Jamie suggested. “I’m sorry for saying that, I didn’t mean to…”

“Let’s go.” 

Jamie shyly walked towards her. She wanted to touch her and say sorry again, but there was some strange invisible force keeping her arms stuck to her body. She might have as well called it pride. Dani took one last look at her which concealed despair but also sadness. What was happening between them, they weren’t sure. But there was something brewing, something they hadn't experienced before. Maybe it was routine catching up to them. 

Dani trotted down the staircases very quickly, Jamie trailing her on their way out. They left the apartment right after the sun had set over the city. After knowing Zane and Bobby for almost three years, they had been to dinner at their place uncountable times. But this time it was different because they had just moved to their new house. Kate would be there as well with her latest conquest, a veterinarian from Burlington called Lucy. Dani couldn’t believe how a stupid fight was jeopardizing their evening. 

Jamie and Dani had become old members of the Pride Center, attending almost every weekend for the past two years. A lot of people from there became regulars at The Leafling and were as responsible as anyone for making it the most visited flower shop in the city. After living for some time in Montpellier and settling down for good, learning the ropes of the flower shop and juggling with Dani’s work at the Community Center and her recent new job at Union Elementary, the two of them seemed to have found the peace and quiet of adulthood. But perhaps they had forgotten the thrill of not knowing, the good side of it. 

Dani walked down Main Street thinking about Jamie’s words. She didn’t mean them, did she? No, she didn’t. She couldn’t have. She would’ve never. Was she oblivious? She looked at her, walking right beside her, with her hands tucked inside her jacket pockets and her look fixated on her shoes moving fast. They reached Schol Street and turned right. 

Zane’s was a small house painted light blue with a porsche and white framed windows. It looked like a very traditional house, with a garden upfront and a rockin chair right next to the entrance door. Dani and Jamie checked the number twice, just to be sure. They walked up to the door and rang the bell. Jamie looked at Dani while they waited and gave her a smile. Not long after that, Zane appeared behind the door, with his thick red glasses and his shiny bald head. 

“Hello, my loves” he said, greeting them as he opened the door with a smile. “Welcome to our humble abode.” 

“Hello, Z.” Dani said as she walked in. Jamie came in after her.

“Hello, loser” Jamie said, always nice. 

“Oh, this is just beautiful, Zane!” Dani sighed and handed him the wine, trying to leave behind the thought of their fight. “It looks lovely, congratulations.” 

“It’s definitely more than I could’ve hoped for.” Zane admitted, taking a proud look around. “Let’s go find Bobby and I’ll give you a tour.” 

Zane guided Dani and Jamie down the living room and through a small corridor that took them to the kitchen. He opened the backdoor and led them to the backyard where the table was set and Bobby was lighting some candles. 

“The girls are here, Bobby” Zane announced, as they kissed and hugged their other friend. 

“Your tables are always so elegant, I’m jealous.” Dani complimented them, walking towards the table with the handcrafted pottery silverware. “Is Kate here yet?” 

Jamie was oddly silent. More than usual. 

“No, she’s late.” Bobby said, glancing at his watch. “Even later than you two. Alright, I’ll take you for a tour of the house before she gets here with Lucy.” 

Dani and Jamie followed Zane back into the house and let him show her around the house. 

“Well, this is the kitchen” he said, signaling the place. “It’s functional, I guess. Not big.” 

The kitchen cupboards were painted dark blue and the counter was made of marble and white as teeth. The floors looked vintage with that sixties vibe given by the black and white squares. They had a small round table with two chairs opposite the cupboard and oven and a small TV hanging from the wall. There was also a small window right behind the table, next to the backdoor they had just gone through. 

“Now, this way” Zane continued, walking down the corridor in direction to the front door. On the right, there was a staircase leading to the second floor and on their left, an arcade framed with dark wood that led to the living room. The place had a huge window, a fireplace and a big couch right in front of it. On the opposite side of the room, next to the wall that divided the place from the kitchen, there was a long table. 

“This is the living room, obviously” Zane described. “We still need to figure out what to do with this table. We might try to restore it in Bobby’s workshop.” 

“Did Bobby’s parents give it to you with the house?” Dani asked, sliding her finger on the cold wood and feeling the texture. 

“Yes” Zane replied. “It’s the most hideous table I’ve seen, but can’t complain, right?” 

“Definitely cannot.” 

Dani walked towards the small library above the fireplace. She took a look at all the books. They had tons of hard-cover books there, including some titles Dani thought Jamie might have liked but she didn’t say anything. They were far from each other. Zane and Bobby could definitely tell something was going on. It was palpable. But they didn’t say anything either. 

“So what’s the story?” she asked. “Of the house?” 

“Well, it was my parents.” Bobby explained. “I actually lived here shortly before going to college. And then they kicked me out when I tried to come back because well… gay. And now that they passed, I’m leaving in their house with my boyfriend.”

Bobby smiled and kissed Zane, who was standing right next to him, listening to the story for the hundredth time. 

“So the joke’s on them.” he finished, with a sarcastic grin. 

The bell rang at that moment and all four turned to the door, wondering who it might be. 

“I’m gonna take a look at dinner.” Bobby said. “Dani, come with me so that I can make sure you start drinking.” 

She followed him into the kitchen while Jamie stayed with Zane, probably greeting Kate. They walked in and Bobby poured some of the wine Dani had brought into two glasses. 

“You cannot fool me, darling.” he said as they walked into the kitchen. “What’s gotten into that spoilt british ass?” 

Dani sighed. 

“I don’t know, we’ve just…” Dani began, trying to collect herself. “We’ve been weird all week.”

Bobby had become the older brother she didn’t have. He sort of chose her while Zane picked Jamie in some way. He had become not just his friend, but his go-to person, the one who she could trust somehow to tell her the truth, even when she didn’t want to see it. 

“Look” he began. “You have been through a lot of shit together. You moved here on your own without no one else! It’s okay if you take a little off the burden from each other’s shoulders. You rely on each other too much. You have the same friends, almost the same jobs...” 

“Yeah, I guess” Danie replied. “I feel like we can’t find that connection, you know? It used to be something that would always be there. The way we understood each other.” 

“Honey, you don’t lose that.” he said. “Not if what you have is real. And you two, you are real, believe me. And not just that, you fit, you fit with each other. Love is not enough, sometimes. So the fitting part it’s so crucial. And you don’t get that often, not with anyone else. And you have that. Do you still feel it?”

“Yes” Dani answered right away, honestly, wholeheartedly and she began to cry. “Yes, I do.” 

Bobby walked towards her and hugged her gently. 

“What happened?” 

“We’ve been arguing all week for stupid things.” Dani said, sitting down and hiding her face behind her hands. “About chores, about lacking time, about forgetting things. The usual. But it adds up to the fact that we haven’t slept together for a month. That’s… that’s never happened before. Does it mean something that we can’t see?” 

“Well, you are a very sexual person, I always say that to you.” Bobby replied. “I mean, you are indeed a Leo. It’s not like you are a Scorpio like myself, but Leos are quite sexual. You need that attention honey, what can I say. And no wonder the lack of it makes your head go crazy.” 

Dani laughed, trying to hide her concern behind that sweet sound. 

“All I’m saying is that you should give each other some space.” Bobby replied. “It’s like you’ve been together for so long, so committed to each other, it’s normal to have a third year crisis. It happens. Don’t read too much into it…” 

“But what if she’s sick of me?” 

“Dani,” he said, closing the oven door with a swift move and walking back towards her. He cupped her face in his hands and looked at her with no hesitation. “I bet my Bowie vinyl collection that Jamie will be sucking your titties before the night ends.” 

Dani let out a cackle, this time an honest one, without hiding. 

“How can you be so sure?” 

“Her cranky ass would not last one day without you.” 

Not long after that, Zane walked in followed by Jamie, Kate and Kate’s new girlfriend, Lucy. 

“Dani, Bobby, this is Lucy” Zane introduced her. 

Dani greeted the new guests with her sweet trademark smile. 

“It’s very nice to meet you, finally” Lucy said. “Everyone in Burlington knows your famous flower shop.” 

Jamie opened her eyes in surprise. 

“Do they?” 

“Oh, yeah, of course.” she said. “Everyone loved the decoration you did for the Mayor’s inauguration. And the giant pussies for Pride last year? I noticed them.”

She winked cheekily.

Jamie took a sip of her wine glass while Dani bit her lower lip trying to contain a cackle at the way Zane looked at them as he heard the word “pussy.”

“Well, thanks,” Jamie said, blushing. 

“Would you like to sit outside while we eat the starters?” Zane asked. 

“Oh, is this a multi-course meal?” Dani asked. “Fancy, Z.” 

“Yes, but what he actually means is that we should leave his kitchen.” Bobby replied, pushing her gently towards the back door. 

All of them sat on the table that had been set in the gallery, overlooking the garden. 

“How was the drive from Burlington?” Dani asked Lucy. 

“Oh, all good.” she replied, while she carefully selected one of the sushi rolls. “My parents live here and I used to go to Rogers High. So I’m familiar with the road.”

“Did you really?” Dani commented.

“Yes, we actually went to school together,” Kate told them. “Lucy and I. But we hadn't seen each other for long.”

“What was Kate like back in high school? I bet she was a smart-pants.” 

“Uhm, yes she was.” Lucy said, trying to remember. “But she was actually voted ‘Most likely to kill someone and hide the body successfully’.”

All of them laughed at the thought. True, Kate was a bit mysterious. She was still yet to tell them how she had met her new girlfriend. As far as they were all concerned, Kate hadn’t been going to Burlington at all lately. But then again, she had said they had been dating for a while now. Dani’s laugh at the joke was a bit less enthusiastic. She really felt Jamie’s absence next to her. The other one had sat on the other end of the table, while Katie and Lucy were holding hands right on the tablecloth. 

“Somehow, that does not surprise me.” Zane said, sipping his wine. 

“I am an honorable woman” Kate complained, hurt. “Don’t scare my friends away, please.” 

“Dani, what were you like in high school?” Lucy asked, trying to bounce the question back to her. 

Jamie looked at her, intrigued by the question. 

“I was a good student,” she said. “Not great, but I aced my Lit class. And I came in close for prom queen in my senior year, so…” 

“Had you been out, you would’ve probably gotten votes from the girls as well” Kate joked. “I would’ve voted for you.” 

“Me too.” Jamie added, with her side-smile. 

Dani could tell her cheeks turned pink, just in time for Jamie’s gaze to catch her and say with an awkward grin: I’m sorry.

“You strike me as one of the popular kids.” Lucy commented. “Were you?” 

“My friends definitely were.” she said. “Some of them were part of the cheerleading squad. I was too clumsy for that. And too petite.”

“Did boys go crazy for you?” Bobby asked. 

“A bit, yes, why would I lie?” she claimed, with a sassy flick of her hair. “But I had a boyfriend throughout high-school so I wasn’t available. Everyone knew it.” 

“Oh, interesting, where is he now?” Lucy asked. 

Jamie frowned at the question.

“Dead.” 

They all went silent. 

“I’m so sorry” Lucy apologised, embarrassed. 

“So you are the woman who made the pussy-shaped flower beds for Pride?” Bobby asked, trying to change the subject, not subtly precisely. 

Everybody burst into a cackle. 

“Yeah, I reckon that’s me.” Jamie admitted with a smile, thankful for the change of conversation.

They ate the rest of the starters, talking about Kate and Lucy’s years in high school, reminiscing on their time as outlaws and students in Rogers High. 

“Alright, shrimp anyone?” Zane shouted and stood up. 

He stood up and left to get the first course. Not long after, he returned with the food. They ate in between casual conversation. Turns out Kate had actually met Lucy at the supermarket in Montpellier, after not seeing each other for almost fifteen years, while the latter was visiting her parents. 

“Who on earth picks up girls at supermarkets?” Zane asked. 

“Lesbians.” Kate and Jamie replied at the same time, as if it was an obvious answer, while they ate their food. 

And then Lucy told them how Kate had made the first move right next to the Dairy aisle. To Kate’s surprise, it had worked. They had been dating and seeing each other for about three months now. 

“Jamie, I know you don’t do the gardening yourself anymore” Bobby began, once that part of the conversation was over. “That you send your employees now…”

“Yeah, they are collaborators.” 

“Employees” the other repeated. “She can’t bring herself to admit she’s a boss, now.” 

Bobby said this in Lilly’s ear as she laughed. 

“Anyways, what I wanted to ask was that if you could come over some day and fix this mess.” he finished, pointing at the garden. “I mean, just look at it.” 

“Yes, yes, I could do that, of course.” 

“I want you to grow that moonflower thing that you always talk about.”

Dani opened her eyes and straightened her back. She didn’t know that Jamie had shared that story with anyone else. At least she hadn’t. 

“What is a moonflower?” Lucy asked, taking a bite at one of the cheese and grapes brochettes. 

Jamie looked at Dani and she returned her look with an unreadable expression. She wasn’t quite sure what it meant. 

“It’s a silly thing.” she replied, thinking Dani didn’t want her to share that story. 

It was theirs, after all. 

“Come on,” Bobby insisted. “They way you told it, it was so romantic.” 

Now, Dani’s body posture changed, and she was indeed curious about what Jamie might have said. 

“It’s a rare species of flower, actually, that grows in humid and relatively warm environments. It’s quite strange to see them in their wild essence, mainly because they last only for a night. They bloom during nighttime, in very particular weather conditions, and they die only some hours later.” she explained, trying to convey in her words the hardship of keeping one moonflower alive. “I used to grow them in the garden of the mansion I worked at. Where I met Dani, actually, a few years ago, back in England. We were both living there and I showed her the moonflowers one night, in a kind of desperate move to get her to notice me, to be honest. It was stupid.” 

“But it worked.” Zane added, with a sneaky smile. 

“I was too full of myself and it was really something quite dumb.” Jamie said, remembering that night. 

“It wasn’t dumb” Dani uttered bluntly, with her eyes filled with certainty. “It was beautiful. And disarming. And… effective, I guess.” 

Jamie looked at her girlfriend and found the eyes of someone who was looking at her with distance but the conviction that she could reach her, eventually. 

“Have you been able to grow them here in Vermont?” Lucy asked. 

“Not quite.” Jamie replied. “I’ve tried but I haven't been able to make them give flowers.” 

“Will you keep trying?” she retorted. “I mean, if you haven’t been able to… Maybe it’s the weather?” 

“Yes, I will keep trying.” 

Night kept going. Zane and Bobby told their story and how they had met in college years before. Bobby was a Vermont local but Zane moved there from New York, where both of them had studied. Zane spent a year in London, shortly after they celebrated their one year anniversary, and they broke up. He came back, eventually, and Bobby was still waiting for him. They stayed together in New York, until Bobby came back to Vermont to look after his parents, right before they died. It looked as if they had lived multiple lives together. They were yet expecting to get married someday. 

“Do you think we’ll ever be able to?” Kate asked Zane, who was the one who always had the most sensible answers to those sorts of questions. 

“Hell, yes.” he replied, sure. “I’m not being innocent, I know for a fact it will happen. Just, not sure when.” 

“I guess the State Legislature could step up, right?” Bobby replied, sipping a bit of his wine. 

“I’m not sure how it is going to happen,” he said. “But I think it will happen.” 

“Have you discussed it?” Dani asked. “Getting married?” 

“Yes, we have.” Bobby said. “We’ve discussed all of it. Civil union, marriage, adoption, being parents. We want it all. After seeing so many of our friends dying and fighting and living their lives only barely, we want the whole package. I would be great playing house, don’t you think so, darling?” 

“You’d be grand at it.” Dani said, with a smile, saddened at the thought of not being sure when that was going to happen. 

“Would you want to become parents?” Kate asked. “It’s funny, we’ve known each other for so long and I don’t think we have ever talked about this.”

“We’d like to adopt a kid, yes.” Zane said. “But then again, if we become able to do it and we are like, I don’t know, sixty, then what would be the point?” 

“It’s just fucked up how we are living according to other people’s mandates.” Jamie sighed. 

Dani’s stomach churned. 

“Well, I guess Kate and Lucy haven’t talked about this because they’ve been dating for a very short time” Zane commented. “But what do you two think?” 

His question was aimed at Dani and Jamie. Dani thought about her answer carefully. To be honest, she hadn’t even considered it. 

“I haven’t actually thought about this.” she replied in all her honesty. “I mean, I think that the idea of celebrating love is… worth it.” 

“Yeah, but have you also thought that almost fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?” Kate replied. “I mean, if something’s working right, are you willing to go down that road?” 

“Well, maybe those people think that marriage can solve things.” Jamie snapped. “Maybe it’s wrecked from before and they do it anyway.” 

“Seems like you are not so hopeful.” Zane said. “Don’t be bitter, Jamie.” 

“I’m not. All I’m saying is that… you have to do it with the person you love. And not everyone is lucky in that way.” 

“Are you?” Dani defied her. “Are you lucky enough?”

Her tone concealed the real curiosity. The others in the table thought she was actually kidding, trying to get on her nerves for fun. But Dani actually wanted to know the truth. 

“I think I am, yeh.” 

Dani breathed, in relief. 

“Do you think Dani would be a good mother, Jamie?” Now Bobby was just teasing. “Bringing up a little girl, curling her hair, reading her bed times stories?”

“Of course, have you seen her with kids?” she replied in all certainty. “Her students love her.”

Jamie dipped a shrimp on the tomato sauce dip.

“But what about you?” he went on. “Have you thought about children?” 

“Oh, fuck.” Jamie complained, looking at the stain of tomato juice that fell on her white t-shirt. 

“She got nervous.” Kate joked. 

“Uhm… I’ve thought about children, yes.” she confessed. 

Dani’s eyes opened at the confession. She didn’t know. She had no idea. 

“You mean you’d like a few of your own?” 

Zane knew that if he kept digging, Jamie would end up answering all his questions or telling him to fuck off. There was no in between. 

“I mean, I’d like to have children someday, yes.” she replied, trying not to clench her teeth at the sudden interrogatory. “Is that what you wanted me to say, idiot?” 

“Yes, thank you very much.” 

Jamie looked at Dani with a slight shrug of her shoulders, as if she wanted to apologize for the sudden rush of honesty in front of their friends. They had never talked about that, not even in private. It was odd that Jamie would open up like that. But maybe it was a way of letting Dani know that she had plans with her and that she would not abandon them for the world. 

They finished dinner in that beautiful summer night breeze that took hold of them. The night was silent and the dew that had fallen and perfumed the grass in a way that made them feel nostalgic for the moment. Dani was tired of laughing at Bobby and Zane’s stories and Kate’s absurd remarks. It was as if she could almost touch how great the night felt, after Jamie’s sudden attack of sincerity. After finishing dinner, they sat on the plastic foldable chairs that they had in the garden. Jamie, with a slick move, approached Dani and, without saying nothing, sat right next to her. She took off her shoes and moved her toes on the wet grass, grasping the sense of the herb under her feet. There was a thin veil still on them, as if something still prevailed that they couldn’t rub off. Something sticky that made them not feel as comfortable as they would’ve felt any other night. But she was convinced that physical proximity could work as an antidote, slow and abrasive, as sweet as remedy rushing in their veins to finally get to be okay again.

“This garden brings back memories.” Bobby sighed, as Zane brought in small whisky glasses and served them an old scotch that belonged to Bobby’s parents. 

“It must be moving for you to come back after so many years.” Dani said. 

“Yes” he replied. “It was hard to decide to come, because it reminds me of my parents so much. But it’s been a long time since they died and I didn’t want to rent it anymore.” 

“Did you spend much time here?” Lucy asked. 

“Not really, but I do remember my mother reading out loud here in the garden” he commented, as he looked around. “Actually, I think this is where she used to sit.” 

“Maybe we could read something out loud.” Dani suggested. “You new friends share an old habit. So as to welcome your new house.” 

“It would be grand to read gay literature.” Zane said. “New meets old. Gay meets homophobia by slapping it on its face.” 

Bobby laughed bitterly. 

“I think I have the perfect book.” Zane said and went into the house. 

He came back with an old pocket version ofa love letters collection. 

“Warning: this is cheesy.” he said and handed the book to Jamie. “You read it. Enchant our ears with that marvellous accent of yours.” 

He sat on the wet grass, between Bobby’s legs and lit a blunt. Bobby kept drinking his scotch and touching his boyfriend’s head. 

“Aight, I guess I don’t have much of a choice, do I?” Jamie said as she stood up.

She looked at Dani who had quietly laughed at Jamie’s tone. She caught her eye for a second and smiled back. 

“Pick one and go.” Kate encouraged her. 

Jamie turned the pages until she saw a familiar name. She read: 

“ _This missive was composed on January 21, 1927, in Milan. Written by Vita Sackville-West and addressed to Virginia Woolf”_ she recited. _“I am reduced to a thing that wants Virginia. I composed a beautiful letter to you in the sleepless nightmare hours of the night, and it has all gone: I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way. You, with all your un-dumb letters, would never write so elementary phrase as that; perhaps you wouldn’t even feel it. And yet I believe you’ll be sensible of a little gap. But you’d clothe it in so exquisite a phrase that it would lose a little of its reality. Whereas with me it is quite stark: I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal. So this letter is just really a squeal of pain. It is incredible how essential to me you have become. I suppose you are accustomed to people saying these things. Damn you, spoilt creature; I shan’t make you love me any the more by giving myself away like this—But oh my dear, I can’t be clever and stand-offish with you: I love you too much for that. Too truly. You have no idea how stand-offish I can be with people I don’t love. I have brought it to a fine art. But you have broken down my defences. And I don’t really resent it… Please forgive me for writing such a miserable letter. V._ ”

They went quiet for a while. Jamie was standing up, still feeling struck by surprise by the beautiful words she had just read. And as she finished, she looked right below at Dani, who was pressing her hands against her chest and watching her with starry eyes, taken aback by Jamie’s voice, her recitation, the words that felt utterly personal and then again, had been written over sixty years ago. 

“That was… beautiful” Lucy said, while she too was entangled in Kate’s arms. 

“It was.” Dani added, with sad eyes. 

Jamie walked slowly towards her and kissed her, leaving an invisible mark of affection on her lips that actually conveyed much more than a mere touch. 

“It’s getting quite late,” Jamie said. “We should go.” 

***

They dragged their feet up the stairs, feeling every inch of their bodies numbed by weed and alcohol. Jamie had to try a few times before actually being able to stick the key inside the lock. Jamie went inside the bathroom to brush her teeth, while Dani sat on the toilet and changed her maxipad. Jamie put on her pyjamas and sat on the bed. She felt like the conversation they were about to have required her to be outside of bed. 

“You are not gonna sleep yet?” Dani asked when she saw her, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“This is a first.” Jamie began. “Because I am actually the one that it’s going to insist that we talk about this.” 

“About what?” 

“About this week and all of our fights.” she responded. 

Dani sighed and sat next to her. She put her hand on Jamie’s bare leg. 

“What’s gotten into us?” she asked. “I feel like we don’t even know.” 

“I’ve been weird all week,” Jamie conceded. “Only because I am not sure anymore of where we are going.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“What’s our next plan?” she asked. “Are we heading somewhere?” 

Dani tried to answer but ideas failed her. She wasn’t sure what to say. Were they heading somewhere? 

“Where would you like to go?” she asked. “Do you want to leave Vermont?” 

“No.” 

“Then?” 

“I don’t mean go to a place but…” Jamie was grappling with words. “We’ve achieved what we wanted. We have The Leafling, you got into the school you wanted. Now what?” 

“I don’t know” Dani replied, in all her honesty. “We might as well enjoy where we are, right?” 

“I feel like we have already.” Jamie said. “I need more than that. I need new things.” 

“New me?”

“I would never need a new you.” Jamie replied, stroking her cheek and removing a lock of hair that got on her sight. “I just need you.”

“Whatever it is that you want, I’ll go down the road with you.” Dani said, grabbing her hand. “You want children. I didn’t know that. I didn’t know myself I wanted to get married. I hadn’t actually thought much about it…” 

“Would you ever want to do that?” Jamie asked. 

“Yes, I mean…”

“Not now, but…”

“Yeah, yeah, not now…” 

They both went quiet. 

“I think about those things,” Jamie confessed. “I never considered myself a person who would do that. Who would daydream about having a house and a family. For a long time I wasn’t. At least, not until I met you.” 

“So we just need… a destination? Something to long for.” Dani resolved. “Purpose. A meaning?” 

“We just need to stop being assholes, Poppins.” Jamie said, giving in. “I mean, am I really complaining for all the good things that we have?” 

“And what are those?”

“Well, you, to begin with.” 

Dani laid her head on Jamie’s shoulder and the other one caressed her cheek. 

“I’m sorry for this week” she apologised. 

“I know you are.” 

Dani lifted her head and kissed Jamie gently. As if they hadn’t kissed in forever. 

“I want to go on vacations with you.” she said. “And I want to have a lot more christmas with you. And thanksgiving, even though you don’t like stuffing. And kids, I want kids too, someday.” 

Jamie kissed her again, this time with more energy. 

“What else do you want?” 

“I want to get married.” Dani confessed. “And I don’t care if we have to wait until we grow old. It’s worth the ageing. As long as it is with you.” 

Jamie smiled and their lips met once more, this time not to part. They had been absent for so long, it felt like a discovery. Dani laid on top of her, removing her shirt and kissing her with no holding back. Jamie forgot about Dani’s period, about her cramps. She just didn’t care. It was the least of her concerns. Slowly, she continued touching her and slipped her hands under her underwear. Dani sighed. They had so much time. 


	9. The one with the trip to Iowa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani and Jamie go back to Iowa for Dani's high school reunion.

The blonde woman at the reception desk welcomed them with a smile. 

“Welcome to Minerva Hotel, how can I help you?”

“Hello” Jamie greeted her. “I have a reservation.” 

“Name and credit card, please?”

“Jamie Taylor, here.” And she handed her the little golden plastic card. 

The hotel wasn’t much, but it was okay. The walls were covered with a hideous beige wall paper and she had the seen carpet stained with humidity in the corner of the lobby, where Dani and her had been waiting for their bags to arrive. But the people were helpful and the young reception girl at the desk smiled at Jamie pleasantly. She smiled back. 

“Welcome Ms. Taylor. I believe you have booked a room for two people. Ms. Taylor and Ms…”

“Clayton” Dani finished for her, as she left the bag right on the floor and joined them at reception. “Sorry, I got caught up with the bellboy. He’s the son of one of the teachers I used to work with.” 

“Right…”Jamie saw Dani’s chest go up and down. 

“Welcome, Ms. Clayton.” the young woman at the desk said. “We’ve put you in a double room, two beds, one for each. Breakfast is served at seven a.m until…”

“Sorry, two beds?” Jamie asked. “I thought I had asked for one…”

“No, it’s okay” Dani interrupted, raising her right hand to stop her. “It’s okay, we’ll manage. Thank you.”

She picked up her bag and grabbed the key to the room. Jamie followed her down the corridor and into the elevator area, though Dani’s pace was so fast down the lobby she could barely keep up with her. There were only two lifts and one of them was apparently out of service. 

“Two beds is fine?” she asked in disbelief. “I wanted a king size bed for both.” 

“We’ll just put them together.” Dani replied, pressing the elevator button to floor five, the last one. “Or we can sleep in one, I bet it’s bigger than our own bed.” 

The door opened and they both got inside. It was empty. A mirror in the back wall returned their image, with their messy hair and dry skin after their delayed flight. The lift closed behind them and started going up with a buzzing annoying sound. 

“Dani” Jamie said, getting closer to her and touching her arm tenderly. “It’s gonna be okay, aight? Seriously, I can stay back in our room while you go to the party.” 

Dani didn’t reply. She bit her lips and arched her eyebrows, looking at her with those puppy eyes that could only forecast a sign of gratitude or nervous tears. 

“I could play pranks on the reception girl over the phone” Jamie went on, trying to make her laugh. “Fail at staying away from the minibar, maybe jerk off thinking of you…”

Dani laughed and let her head rest on Jamie’s palm, which had moved up softly and was the only thing that made her feel calm. It smelled like the moisturizing hand lotion they had been sharing since they left the airport. 

“It’ll be alright, Poppins, it will…”

The elevator stopped and Dani quickly pulled away. 

The janitor, with his immense cleaning cart smelling like bleach came in and interrupted them. Both of them greeted him with a slight move of their heads. He stepped inside right in between them, looking awkward in his tight blue uniform and bulky mustache. He stepped right outside after just two floors and soon enough they were back to being alone. 

“You are not supposed to do anything that you don’t want to” Jamie reminded Dani, who was back at not hiding her anxiety. “I won’t get mad. I am here because you asked me to come and I would do anything you ask.”

“I know…” 

“But don’t torture yourself, aight?” Jamie insisted. “You don’t have to prove anything to me.” 

Dani kissed her softly before the lift stopped at their floor. It was the only way she could let her know what it meant that she was supporting her and not asking for anything in return. Words, at a moment like that, only spared. 

They walked down the corridor towards the last door and opened it. The room was fine, nothing extraordinary. Two single beds with old flowery quilts and a small tv right in the middle. The window gave them a perfect view of the main avenue of town and a few blocks south you could see the red bricks and tin roof of Dani’s high school, where they would go that night for the runion. 

The invitation had arrived a few months before. It had been originally sent to Dani’s old house in Iowa but the new owners of the property contacted the real estate agency that had sold it to them. It was through them that they finally received the invitation. At first, Dani felt reluctant to go, almost in denial. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to keep that connection with her past, with her hometown and everything that had once lived in it. Jamie tried to be respectful of that choice. But she also tried to remind her how important her past had been and how it had somehow shaped her path to be where she was now. This slow but steady process of reminiscing the good parts of her childhood and forgetting the harmful ones had opened up a space of doubt, a small pond of curiosity, that made her question whether she could encompass her past and her present and finally be able to meet with old friends and simply have a good time. At some point, during the weeks before she finally decided she wanted to go, she had come to terms with the fact that she wanted to be her most loyal self in front of everybody, as an explanatory demonstration of how pain had transformed itself into fruitful and utter honesty. 

Jamie watched this desire grow – this feeling of pride and belonging. She walked by her side through the process, that interior adjustment, until the day she finally decided she wanted to attend together. They bought the flight and booked the one hotel Dani remembered from growing up. She had said that she walked past that hotel when she was a kid, all the time, when making her way down south from her small house on the outskirts of the city. Jamie made reservations there as a surprise. It had turned out that it wasn’t the dreamy hotel they had pictured but it felt like things coming full circle. 

They unpacked their suitcases and laid their outfits for the night on top of each bed. Jamie had chosen chill grey pleated pants with wider sleeves and a white shirt with a big collar. She had chosen her favorite black leather boots, the ones that had a light platform and made her look a tiny bit taller. She looked at herself in the mirror to apply a bit of lip gloss on her and saw Dani, right behind her, fingers fidgeting and unsuccessfully trying to bring up the zipper of her dress. Jamie stood up and walked up to her, putting her hands on her shoulders from behind and then lowering them until she could help her work the zip properly. 

“Dani,” she said, calmly. “Let me get this.” 

She helped her get the zip up and Dani turned round. She helped her with the necklace as well. Dani’s lower lip was slightly trembling. She kept fixing a lock of hair that got in the way. 

“Lovely.” Jamie whispered, as she finished helping her. “You will be the most beautiful former student and average-accomplishing adult in the room.” 

Dani smiled at her sarcasm, knowing it came from that deep and permanent desire to make her laugh in the nerve wracking moments. 

“Is it the fact that we are going together that makes you nervous?” she asked “or is it just that you are going to see your former classmates?” 

“A bit of both” Dani replied in all honesty. 

“Well, we said we don’t have to say anything,” Jamie reminded her. “I guess they’ll just figure out. And if anyone says anything stupid, I’d be delighted to beat the shite out of them. I have no problem in fulfilling the hideous stereotype of angry lesbian, as long as you know that’s only my persona from nine to five during weekdays.” 

Dani was not afraid of that or the stupid ideas that people would make up in their stretch heads. She didn’t want Jamie to get hurt by any ignorant remark or disrespectful question. But she did have to admit, though, that the idea of seeing her two high school best friends was terribly appealing. 

They left the hotel and got into a cab. The fall night was windy and a tiny rain was falling over the streets of the small Iowa town. Dani’s chunky boots were not suitable for walking down those slippery sidewalks. The ride was quick. Dani spent the entirety of it watching the streets from her window, taking in all the images that were brought back by those familiar places. She didn’t think she’d see them again in a while. It had been more than three years since she had left and the town seemed as if it hadn’t moved. As if the same corners were occupied by the same shops, as if the traffic lights were stopping the same cars and the same people were sitting in the same restaurants, talking about the same things. 

They got to Fillmore High a little past seven, a few minutes late. She assumed that everyone would have been inside already, which brought her quite some ease. Dani wasn’t ready to run into anyone on her way in. The idea of walking down the same halls she had walked down holding hands with Eddie, where everything in her life had developed quietly and steadily for years, it was already too much. They entered the building and faced the stairs right at the entrance, giant old stairs that looked just like she remembered them. They led to the first floor, where most of the classes were held. However, they didn’t walk up. They instead turned right and walked down the main corridor, lockers and posters and signs hanging from the walls. 

They reached the end of the corridor and took another turn only to find more aisles with offices that ended up leading them to what looked like a basketball court filled with alumni. The lights were dim and a big disco ball hung from the ceiling. People were walking up and down, already drinks in their hands, meeting up with others they might have not seen in years. At the end of the gym, at the right of the entrance door, there was a huge bar with little round tables organized all around it. On the other end, a small stage with a podium and a big screen behind. In the middle, a sea of former students catching up in very loud voices. 

“Welcome, class of 1977” a sign read on top of the stage. 

A waiter walked past them and Dani was fast enough to grab a drink from his tray. 

“I will need a drink as well to go through this evening.” Jamie whispered into Dani’s ear. 

The other one smiled merrily, though Jamie could see a tiny spark of worry in her eyes. Dani lifted up her neck and started searching for familiar faces. Soon enough, a girl with blonde hair and rosy cheeks appeared, holding a glass of wine and giving little jumps at the sight of Dani. She was joined by another one, brunette and tall, with wavy hair and a lot of eye makeup. Both of them became insanely loud as they saw Dani, moving synchronically like a tornado. Jamie had to step back so as not to be drawn into that whirlwind of excitement. 

“OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!!” the blonde one kept shouting until she reached Dani and threw herself on her, hugging and kissing her wherever she could. “YOU ARE HERE! I NEVER THOUGHT YOU’D COME, DANI!”

“AMANDA, LOOK, IT’S DANI, SHE’S HERE, SHE’S COME, I TOLD YOU SHE WOULD.” the other one kept saying. 

Dani’s facial expression changed completely. Her mouth drew a giant smile and her cheeks lifted up, pronouncing the wrinkles around her eyes and dimples.

“AMANDA!!!” she said, joining the group hug. “DOTTIE!!” 

All three started spinning around, in a hurricane of little squeaks and arms, with their hair jumping up and down and their dresses moving frantically. People around them started to notice. 

“Oh my god, you are still so freaking beautiful!!” the blonde one, Amanda, said, taking Dani’s face into her hands and squishing it. 

“Oh, get out of here.” Dani snapped back, all red and excited. “You look amazing, the two of you!” 

“I know I do,” Amanda said, modelling and turning. “Even Dottie is jealous!” 

“Shut up, Mandy” the other one replied, rolling her eyes. “I kept telling this asshole you’d come. I was so fucking sure.” 

They were still holding hands. They stopped the jumping and screaming for a second and held hands. They looked at each other still in surprise and let out a sigh at the same time. Dani had not seen them since Eddie had passed. As their two best friends, they had tried after the accident to take her out, help her clear her mind, all the things a best friend would do. But Dani was so encapsulated, torturing herself for what she was feeling and going through, that her mind shut out any possibility of sharing her insecurities and her pain with anyone else. She was so out of herself, she had become such a different person, a lost mourning soul filled with a self-defeating attitude, that she had pushed everyone away and conceived escaping Iowa the only way of dealing with her demons. But her friends were still there and she had learnt how to live with her past – just like any other adult that experienced loss and pain within the first degree of separation. 

“Guys, this is Jamie,” Dani said, stepping back and standing right next to her girlfriend. “She’s my date.” 

“Don’t you two look adorable!” Amanda said. “Nice to meet you, Jamie. I don’t know where Alan is, he must be talking to the boys. I want him to see you as well!” 

“Amanda and Alan met in high school,” Dani explained to Jamie. “They got married a little before Eddie and I got engaged.” 

Jamie nodded. 

“It’s very nice to meet you,” Jamie conceded, shaking both of their hands. 

“Oh, what a lovely accent!” Dottie said. “Where are you from?” 

“England.” Jamie explained. “The Midlands.”

“So beautiful!.” 

“Yeah, a bit rainy and monarchic, but it’s alright, I guess. Where are you from?”

“Here. The beautiful green plains of Iowa. And Dottie over here.” Amanda pointed out at her friend. “This is Dorothy Lopez, her family moved from New Mexico, right Dottie?” 

The other one nodded, taking a sip at her drink.

“How does living with a friend work these days?” Amanda asked. “You two are such modern city girls! And Vermont is such a proggressive state, you must have a lot of gay friends!” 

“Friends?” Jamie asked, confused. 

“It’s great” Dani said, without correcting her. “Great living with friends. Just, amazing. Anyways…” 

“Oh, there he is!” Amanda gave little jumps to call one of the man’s attention. “This is my Alan.”

A short much smaller man, with black hair and glasses walked towards them. Dani said hello to him enthusiastically. 

“It’s so nice to see you, Dani” he greeted her, shaking her hand.

“Oh, and this is Jamie, Al” Dottie introduced her. “She is Dani’s roommate. She comes all the way from England.”

Alan also stretched Jamie’s hand. 

“Very nice to meet you.” he said. “I guess you must be tired of living with us, barbarians.” 

“Only on Election Day” Jamie joked. 

Both Amanda and Dottie let out a cackle, obviously taken aback by Jamie’s occurrence and the excitement of seeing Dani that was clearly still lingering in their exaggerated sounds and expressions. 

“Where have you been, love?” Amanda asked his husband. “I lost you for a bit.”

“Just talking with everyone.” he said. “The whole gang's here. Freddy, Max, even Bill showed up.” 

He looked at Dottie, blatantly, and she looked down and continued with the drink. Jamie searched for Dani’s eyes, completely lost at the sight of complicity between the rest of them. Dani was about to explain when Amanda swooped in. 

“Oh, it’s just that Bill was madly in love with Dottie back in the day” Amanda explained. “But then Dot moved out of Iowa and married. And he was left heart-broken. Remember when he declared his love to you on prom night? And you said “thank you”? God, you were always a little bit of a bitch.” 

“Would you mind not re-telling the story of my life, Mandy? Thank you.” she said, sarcastically. “It’s no big deal. He wasn’t that much in love with me.” 

“Oh, please, he was.” Dani agreed. “He joined the theatre club for you. I remember. I was there as well, but he only had eyes for Dot. And he even had stage fright! But then you got married and so did he.” 

“Well, I got a divorce, Dani.” Dottie said. “That’s why I am back in Iowa.” 

Dani’s expression changed completely. 

“Oh my god, what happened? I’m sorry, Dot. I had no idea...” 

“Not much.” she said, shrugging. “That was exactly the problem. Not much happened.” 

“You should go and talk to him.” Amanda suggested. “He’s been miserable since her wife passed. He’s a widower, you know?” 

Amanda also confided this to Jamie, but everyone heard her perfectly. The woman had such a loud voice. 

“LADIES AND GENTLEMAAAAAAAAN” a man’s voice came from the stage back on the other end. “LOCALS AND VISITORS, JOCKS AND NERDS, CLASS PRESIDENT AND CLASS PEASANTS, YOU COULD’VE BEEN ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD TODAY BUT YOU ARE HERE WITH US IN POLK CITY TO WITNESS THE REUNION YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR. LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, I GIVE TO YOU FILLMORE’S HIGH SCHOOL CLASS OF 1977!!!” 

A loud cheer came in. Dani and her friends clapped, some of them quite frantically, and “We Will Rock You” by Queen started playing loud from the speakers. A rain of confetti poured down from the ceiling and the entire gym went dark. Jamie heard cheers and whistles around her as the screen hanging right behind the grey-haired man was turned on. 

A montage came on screen and Jamie could see, in the first row of the first group picture, sitting right behind the “Class of 77” sign a young Dani, with a tight ponytail, waving at the camera. Pictures kept going and she spotted her once more, this time much closer, in a school paper picture. Once again, the blonde hair tied and a bigger smile, showing big silver braces and her dimples, the ones Jamie had kissed uncountable times over and over years later. She looked at Dani who had the biggest grin on her face and kept pointing at the black and white screen whenever one of her friends showed up. Amanda appeared dressed as a frog and as a princess in two school plays. And then Dottie, skinny and much younger, in the middle of the cheerleading squad. Jamie also saw Eddie in the Chess Club and the Science Club as well as a picture of him and Alan, Mandy’s husband, cheering for the football team, Fillmore’s Foxes. The film ended right after a picture of graduation day, where Jamie spotted Dani right next to Eddie while they threw their graduation hats in the air. The screen faded to black and everyone started clapping. 

Then, the Eye of the Tiger started playing out loud and Jamie could catch Dani’s watery eyes in the crowd, as she approached her and held her hand in the middle of the crowd. There were no words, no nothing needed, to make her feel with just that slight touch that they were there together. 

“Clayton, you came!” a man’s voice came over Jamie’s shoulder and she could see Dani’s face transforming slowly into a surprised expression. 

“Hi, Freddie” Dani said as Jamie turned around and saw a blonde man, with early grey hair and big brown eyes. He was taller than Jamie and she had to look up to get a glimpse of his face. 

“Long time no see” he exclaimed, quite happy. “I haven’t seen you in what? Well, since  _ it _ happened. Gee, this is… uhm… what a surprise.” 

“Well, not really, we were classmates after all” Dani joked politely. “This is Jamie, my…”

“Roommate” she finished for her. 

Jamie didn’t want to hear it from Dani’s mouth once more and she was sparing her the guilt of lying again about the nature of their relationship. The fact that she twisted the truth with her own mouth stung in the center of her chest, but she figured she could take it just for that night. She didn’t want to blame Dani, though she unconsciously did, but that was not the time to get mad. 

“Nice to meet you,” she said. “I am Fred. Clayton and I, well, she was my tutor for most of senior year, remember?” 

“Yeah, you were very bad at math.” Dani remembered. “Fred was Eddie’s friend. So what are you up to Freddie? Still playing basketball?” 

“Not really” he said, as he touched his hair clumsily. “I am managing my dad’s farm. He’s a bit old to handle all the workers now.” 

“Right, makes sense.” 

“Are you staying in Iowa for long?” he asked. “I’d love to catch up after tonight.” 

Jamie clenched her teeth a bit. She felt a hand grabbing her from the shoulder. Before she could turn, she heard Amanda’s voice creeping in and saw her take Dani by the hand. She dragged her friend to the dance floor where Dottie was waiting. 

“Excuse me, we are dancing now.” she warned them and suddenly Jamie was left alone with that tall awkward guy. 

“So…” he tried to start a conversion, apparently, just out of politeness but Jamie wasn’t going to play nice. 

“I need a drink.” 

She left him with his silly mouth half open and headed for the bar at the other end of the room. Fred walked hastily behind her, dodging former students and teachers who were dancing to the music. 

“Uhm, excuse me!” he called her. “Dani’s friend, hey!” 

Jamie didn’t stop, she just walked towards the bar and asked the bartender for a beer. 

“Hey, question” Fred caught her when she finally sat down. “What’s your name?” 

“Jamie.” she replied, refraining a grunt. 

“Jamie, I’m Freddie.” he repeated, as if Dani hadn’t introduced them before. “Can I ask you something?” 

“For fuck’s sake” she whispered as he called the bartender once again and asked for another beer. “Sure.” 

“Do you think it would be too weird if I tried to ask Dani out tonight?” 

Jamie’s drink got caught up somewhere between her mouth and her throat. She coughed, careful of not spitting all the drink on him. Though she wished she had. 

“I mean you know her more than anyone, I guess…” he continued. “You live together. And she must’ve told you about Eddie, right? So I figured… Maybe it’s too weird for me to ask her out cause Eddie and I, well, we were buddies…” 

Jamie just looked at him go, his mind working through the complex tension of being a good guy and fighting his desire to fuck his dead friend’s fiancè who he didn’t know was actually a lesbian. 

“Honestly, mate, I would try not to make a fool out of myself on my high school class reunion.” Jamie told him, with no feelings of regret. “Dani’s in a relationship.” 

“With whom?” 

“It doesn’t matter, does it?” she replied, while taking another sip of the beer. “But good for you, ain’t it?”

She patted him on the shoulder. 

“Now you don’t have to be the bad guy.” 

Jamie stood up after chugging the last of her glass and walked towards the dance floor to see if she could find her girlfriend. She saw her singing her lungs off to a Whitney Houston song. Jamie grabbed her from the waist subtly and Dani turned round and faced her. 

“Hi, there.” Jamie said, going into the round of friends.

“Where were you?” Dani asked into her ear, without stopping dancing. 

“Just went for a drink.” she replied, trying to hide the sombre mood. 

“Good, come with me.” she grabbed her by the hand and took her out of the round. 

They crossed the dance floor full of people and went into one of the corridors leading to the main entrance hall. Dani didn’t say anything, they just walked in silence and then up the stairs into the first floor of the school. She turned right into one of the aisles that led to multiple classrooms and they walked until the end. When they got to the final part of the corridor, they stepped into the last room. The place was dark and had no windows. Several desks were facing three of the walls of the room. Jamie looked around and saw piles of newspapers and articles hanging from the walls. One one of them, there were pictures of the former staff of the school’s newspaper. Jamie walked right up to them and started looking for Dani’s face. She spotted her. Fillmore’s School Gazette Staff of 1976. Dani Clayton: Senior Editor. 

“Blimey, you look annoyingly adorable.” Jamie grinned, squinting her eyes and making an effort to see every detail of seventeen-year-old Dani. 

“I spent a lot of time in here.” Dani told her. “And volunteering at the children’s hospital.”

“Why are you so bloody perfect?” Jamie came closer and cupped her face in her hands. 

“I am sorry I am not as brave as you want me to be tonight.” 

“Are you joking?” Jamie frowned. “You are the bravest person I know. This is not about us. It’s about you having a good time with your friends.” 

“You are not mad?” 

“I could be. But you know I wouldn’t last for too long.” she admitted. “Not after seeing you in that picture with your face covered in freckles and using braces.” 

Dani laughed and Jamie thanked God or whatever it was that she believed in for that heavenly sound. 

“I want to show you something else.” 

Dani guided her once more through one last door and into a dark room. She turned on the lights and columns of printing machinery were unveiled. 

“Dear Lord, you were such a nerd.” Jamie sighed as she saw the piles of steel and rubber and ink. “How is this supposed to work?” 

“I was never back here.” she said. “But I know how to print a cover.” 

She took one of the paper piles that were up against the wall and accommodated the printing plates. She put one sheet of paper with the name of the newspaper and sealed the stamp on it. 

“Help me get it up,” Dani asked Jamie. “It’s heavy.” 

Jamie rushed next to her and helped her get the plate up. It looked like a giant postage stamp. 

“ _ SEPTEMBER 7TH 1991 _

_ FILLMORE GAZETTE _

_ DANI & JAMIE”  _

“Can I keep it?” Jamie asked, taking the sheet of paper into her hands. 

She held it up and read it once more. It sounded so sweet in her ears – the sound of their two names spelled together. She put it down and approached Dani once more, this time to kiss her gently but firmly, grabbing her back with one hand and placing the other behind her head, under her hair. Dani gave in, taking in Jamie’s scent and feeling her mouth on her, biting slowly her lower lip and savoring her. It was the first time during that night she felt like she was being herself one hundred percent. Jamie laughed quietly when she felt Dani’s tongue slowly going inside, swiftly, almost asking for permission. She let her do as she pleased, grabbing her more firmly and taking her hand down to her butt. 

Suddenly, a sound behind the door scared them off. They jumped apart, just in time to see Dottie’s back push the door open violently, guiding some other man, while she grabbed him from the collar of his shirt. Dani opened her eyes enormously and the other two realized they were not alone in the printing room. 

“Dani?” the man said, sharpening his gaze and accommodating his glasses. 

Dottie let out a small squeak and took one of her hands to her chest. 

“Bill?” Dani asked. “Dottie? You two…?” 

“What are you doing here?” Dottie’s eyes travelled from Danie and Jamie right in front of her to the sheet of paper in Jamie’s hand and back. “Are you…?” 

A silence broke into the room. Jamie saw Dani’s eyes become nervous and watery. 

“Yes,” she said. “We are… I mean, she’s my…” 

“Dani…” Jamie began, but Dottie was faster than her. 

“You look splendid together.” she smiled, walking towards her friend and hugging her. 

Jamie let out a sigh of relief and Dani returned Dottie’s hug tightly, smiling with her eyes closed and her dimples in full glory. 

“And can I just say… you and Bill?” 

The man behind them smiled nervously. 

“Promise you won’t tell” Dottie begged her. “We’ve been… uhm… we’ve been seeing each other since I came back and Bill, well, you know…” 

“So you two have been going at it for quite some time, huh?” Jamie asked, enjoying herself. 

She wasn’t sure if her smile had been caused by Dani’s sudden attack of honesty or the scene that Dottie and Bill had put on before them. 

“Not too fast, brittie.” Dottie said, severely, raising one finger. “You might be my friend’s partner but you still need to pass the Dottie test.” 

Jamie stepped back after the warning. 

“But yes” Dottie continued. “Bill and I… yes. We actually met here back in the day.” 

She walked around looking at the printers. 

“I thought I was showing off when I brought you here.” Bill commented. “What a nerd.” 

He adjusted his glasses once more and put his hands behind his back, balancing back and forth on the tip of his toes while he looked around. 

“Bill and I were in the newspaper together.” Dani told Jamie, as she nodded. “Are you going to tell Mandy?”

“I dont know.” Dottie replied. “Are you?” 

Dani shrugged. 

“I’d like to.” she confessed. “But what about Alan and…?” 

“Dani” her friend put her arms on her shoulders. “It’s been more than four years. You deserve a chance at being happy. And if the people in this town can’t understand that… well, fuck them!” 

Dani let out a silent sigh of relief, feeling that somehow, some sort of weight on her shoulders was lifted and gone forever. 

“I think we should go back.” Bill reminded them and signaled the door. “By the way, nice to meet you, Jamie. I work for the state government, what are your thoughts on the UK’s first female Prime Minister?” 

“Margaret Bloody Thatcher? Well, she can go fuck herself.”

*** 

The party had gone down the hill during their absence. A lot of people had already left and the ones that remained were already too drunk or trying too hard to go home with the high school sweetheart they hadn’t married. Dani and Dottie walked into the dance floor to find Amanda who was dancing right in the middle, under the disco ball, with her husband, who was clearly too drunk to even notice his lack of dancing skills. Jamie and Bill hit the bar together. 

Dani saw Amanda letting herself go fully in the music and she barely realised her two friends had returned. 

“Dani’s here” Alan said drunkenly. “Wait, there’s someone here that wants to talk to you… FRED!! FRED, SHE’S HERE!”

The blonde tall guy walked awkwardly towards them. 

“Gee, Al, you didn’t need to shout my name.” 

He extended his hand. 

“A dance? For old time’s sake?” he offered. 

Dani wasn’t sure if she had to accept but the inertia kicked in, pulled her into his arms by the memory of Eddie and by the fact that she was just being polite to an old friend. She thought of Jamie and what she’d think. But before she worried, she knew her girlfriend would inherently think that it was a man, of all things, she was dancing with. She would’ve felt more attracted to a raccoon. 

“Did you have a good time tonight?” Freddie asked. 

“Yes” Dani nodded with her head. “It was nice seeing everybody.” 

They swayed in silence. Fred kept his eyes on her but Dani kept looking somewhere else, a far distant point. At some moment, she wished Jamie would come and make an excuse for her to go. But soon enough, she realised she could do that on her own. 

“Look, Dani” Fred began and Dani knew exactly where he was going. “I told you how I felt before you and Eddie got engaged.” 

“Freddie, don’t…”

“But then you left and… my feelings haven’t changed.” he confessed. “I know it’s all too complicated and you don’t even live here anymore but maybe, we can get a drink after, maybe talk, catch up… as in like… a date.” 

“I am flattered, Fred, I really am.” Dani said, trying to rub off his hands from her waist. “But I don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

“Eddie would’ve wanted you to be happy.” he tried to convince her, but it sounded a lot like he was trying to convince himself. 

“It’s not that…”

“He was generous and kind and would’ve wished for you to have your own life and a man next to you. To take care of you.” 

“I seriously doubt you are making a good case with that excuse.” Dani’s body became quite stiff at the simplicity of his arguments. 

“But it’s true!” he raised his voice. “It’s true. You don’t have to be a martyr, I could take care of you, Clayton, I really would…” 

The first few friends that surrounded them started to turn their heads. 

“It has nothing to do with that, Freddie.” Dani insisted. “Not with Eddie, not with you, it has to do with me. I have my life in Vermont, I have a partner.” 

“Come on, Dani.” the other one kept on. “A city boy? A yuppie? You know better than that.” 

He intended to be funny but his words came out quite arrogantly. 

“It’s not a boy.” 

“I doubt that he is a man” he said with disdain. “At least not like me, not like the one you need.” 

“He’s not a man, either.” 

Dani’s words came out of her mouth before she could think much. They came from her gut and out of how sick and tired she was of Fred’s insistence. Her voice had become louder and Alan, Amanda and a few other people dancing around them also started to notice. 

“What…?” 

“He’s not a man because she’s a girl.” Dani finished. “A woman.”

“You are dating a woman?” 

Amanda and Alan turned round, this time not subtly, and so did some others. The music stopped for a brief second, while one song finished and the next one started. Fred’s arms fell from Dani’s shoulders and he became rigid and confused. 

“I am not just dating her. She’s my girlfriend, my partner.” Dani claimed with certainty. “And by insisting and using misogynist comments you are not only disrespecting me but also her.” 

“Dani, have you lost…?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“I know losing someone is hard but…” 

“Please don’t finish that sentence, for your own good.” 

“Ya heard her, mate.” 

Jamie appeared behind Fred, Amanda and Dottie by her sides. 

“Don’t finish that sentence.” 

“Amanda, tell her something.” 

Fred raised his eyes looking for an ally, but all that were left around them were Dani’s friends. 

“Sorry, Fred.” she excused herself. “I like my friend and the way she is happy.” 

The man babbled but no clear words came out of his mouth. He looked confused and in disbelief. After looking at Jamie and her tiny figure up and down, he walked out of the room defeated. Dani approached her friends and Jamie. She took her hand. 

“Sorry it took me so long.” she apologised to her girlfriend. 

“I could’ve waited.” Jamie smiled. “It’s okay, Poppins.”

Dani sighed in relief and smiled back, squishing Jamie’s hand. 

“You could’ve waited but I couldn’t have.” Amanda interrupted. “Now, we’ll be needing some details.” 

***

_ Vinnie’s _ looked exactly the way Dani remembered. The white dining tables, the long bar with the neon lights and waitress’s pink uniform. She had promised Jamie she’d take her to the place where they made the best burgers of Polk City. They sat down facing Dottie and Amanda, both tipsy and their hair undone. The make up didn’t look as great as it had when they first met. In the dark, their eyeliner was perfect. Now, under the white light of the diner, all four of them looked exactly as they were supposed to. Their truest version after a long night of partying and revelations. 

“I’ll have the double Vinnie with fries on the side,” Dani ordered. “And she’ll have the Southern with extra bacon.” 

“Uh, nice” Amanda whispered. “I’ll have that one too.”

“I’ll have the Vinnie, no fries.” Dotti added. 

The four of them saw the waitress leave for the kitchen. 

“I have so many questions.” Amanda dived right into it. “First of all, to Jamie: How dare you?” 

Jamie laughed. Amanda’s chubby cheeks were redder than before. The drunken effect was still lingering, but she was very much aware of her words. 

“Second of all,” Amanda continued. “Is it true you cum every time?” 

Jamie felt her ears get hot and itchy. 

“Amanda!” Dottie reprimanded her. “Well, is it?”

Dani screamed of laughter but Jamie could barely look at them directly in the face. 

“I am not answering that question.” Dani said with dignity. “But I am not going to deny that either.” 

Jamie’s face had gone from pale to full tomato red within the blink of an eye. 

“Anything to add, Jamie?” Amanda asked. 

“Errr… Nah.” 

They all broke into laughter, Dani quite sneakily, so as not to scare her girlfriend off. 

“So, Dani, how did you know you liked her… that way?” Dottie asked, in honest curiosity. “I am wondering. Maybe I have felt attracted to women in the past but I didn’t notice?” 

“Hmmm…” Amanda put on her concentration face. “Honey, you like men more than you like yourself. And that is a lot to say.”

Dani smiled once more but she didn’t quite remember the exact moment where she realised she liked Jamie. She hadn’t done the exercise of thinking about those days in a very long time. 

“I am not sure” she replied with honesty. “But I do remember how I felt when I first saw her in that kitchen. The kitchen where we met.”

“And how was it that you felt?” this time, Jamie was asking. 

Dani smiled, knowing she wanted to hear once more the story. After that night and what Jamie had endured, she felt like she owed her. And affirmation, a reminder, so to speak, of her irreplaceable love for her. 

“Like it was clear how I had been moving toward you and you towards me for a long time.” she said. “Though none of us was aware of the other before we met, there was a kind of certainty bumming blithely along beneath our ignorance that ensured we would come together.” Dani continued, her eyes fixed on Jamie’s hand next to hers on the table. “I felt like during all these years and lifetimes we had been moving towards one another.” 

***

Dani and Jamie walked into the hotel holding hands. They had held hands all the way back from the diner. Some people on the streets stared at them and some others ignored her. They barely noticed. It had gotten to a point where they didn’t care. And it didn’t matter.

“Excuse me” Dani said when she stopped at the reception desk. 

She could feel her legs tired and her body worn out after dancing for so long. But she knew she had to do this before going to bed. 

The same reception girl that had greeted them at the beginning of the day was there, but her eyes looked tired and her face had printed on it an expression of boredom. She was young and beautiful, but her face was stained with exhaustion and the cruelties of a bad paying job that forced her to stay until late after midnight.

“I believe we asked for a king size bed in our reservation” Dani went on. “Do you think we could change rooms?”

The girl looked at a list on her desk. 

“Of course, Ms. Clayton. Sorry for our mistake.” she replied. “We’d be happy to put you in one of our suites.” 

Jamie waited for her a few feet apart, oblivious to what Dani had asked for. 

“Are you ready to go to bed?” she asked, while she extended her hand to continue walking down the aisles and into the elevators with their hands tied. 

“Almost ready.” Dani smiled, hiding a yawn. “First, we are changing rooms. Let’s get you that king size bed you wanted.” 


End file.
